C# C D#m G#
My father cut his toe off
C# C D#m G#
In a rotary lawn mower
C# G# A#m
And my mother burst a blood vessel
D#m G#
When my younger brother went to jail
C# G# A#m
So I told her not to worry
D#m G#
Not to get in such a flurry
C# G# A#m
We're just an ordinary family
D#m G# C# F# C#
With the usual calamity
C# C D#m G#
When I was just a virgin lad
C# C D#m G#
My mother faked a suicide
C# G# A#m
Because she found the tell-tale sign
D#m G#
Of puberty upon the sheets
C# G# A#m
So I told her not to worry
D#m G#
Not to get in such a flurry
C# C# G# A#m
We're just an ordinary family
D#m G# C# F# C#
With the usual calamity
F# G# C# F# C#
We always try to look our best
F# G# C# F# C#
We always take care when we dress
F# C A#m C#
We always wear clean underwear
F# D#m
In case we're in an accident
G# G#
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, true
True, true, true, true, true, true, true, true
C# C D#m G#
When I become a married man
C# C D#m G#
With children of my very own
C# G# A#m
Will I lay my inhibitions on
D#m G#
And criticise their sexuality?
C# G# A#m
Will I use them to protect respect?
D#m G#
Will I try to own them flesh and bone?
C# G# A#m
Or will I be their equal friend
D#m G#
Encouraging their new ideas?
C# G# A#m
For the future lies within their hands
D#m G#
And the salvation of all these lands
C# G# A#m
Yes, the ordinary family
D#m C# G#
Is the only way to set us freeeeee
F# G# C# G#
Set us free, set us freeeeee
F# G# C# G#
Set us free, set us freeeeeee
F# G# C#
Set us free, set us free