G# G A#m D#
My father cut his toe off
G# G A#m D#
In a rotary lawn mower
G# D# Fm
And my mother burst a blood vessel
A#m D#
When my younger brother went to jail
G# D# Fm
So I told her not to worry
A#m D#
Not to get in such a flurry
G# D# Fm
We're just an ordinary family
A#m D# G# C# G#
With the usual calamity
G# G A#m D#
When I was just a virgin lad
G# G A#m D#
My mother faked a suicide
G# D# Fm
Because she found the tell-tale sign
A#m D#
Of puberty upon the sheets
G# D# Fm
So I told her not to worry
A#m D#
Not to get in such a flurry
G# G# D# Fm
We're just an ordinary family
A#m D# G# C# G#
With the usual calamity
C# D# G# C# G#
We always try to look our best
C# D# G# C# G#
We always take care when we dress
C# G Fm G#
We always wear clean underwear
C# A#m
In case we're in an accident
D# D#
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, true
True, true, true, true, true, true, true, true
G# G A#m D#
When I become a married man
G# G A#m D#
With children of my very own
G# D# Fm
Will I lay my inhibitions on
A#m D#
And criticise their sexuality?
G# D# Fm
Will I use them to protect respect?
A#m D#
Will I try to own them flesh and bone?
G# D# Fm
Or will I be their equal friend
A#m D#
Encouraging their new ideas?
G# D# Fm
For the future lies within their hands
A#m D#
And the salvation of all these lands
G# D# Fm
Yes, the ordinary family
A#m G# D#
Is the only way to set us freeeeee
C# D# G# D#
Set us free, set us freeeeee
C# D# G# D#
Set us free, set us freeeeeee
C# D# G#
Set us free, set us free