D# D Fm A#
My father cut his toe off
D# D Fm A#
In a rotary lawn mower
D# A# Cm
And my mother burst a blood vessel
Fm A#
When my younger brother went to jail
D# A# Cm
So I told her not to worry
Fm A#
Not to get in such a flurry
D# A# Cm
We're just an ordinary family
Fm A# D# G# D#
With the usual calamity
D# D Fm A#
When I was just a virgin lad
D# D Fm A#
My mother faked a suicide
D# A# Cm
Because she found the tell-tale sign
Fm A#
Of puberty upon the sheets
D# A# Cm
So I told her not to worry
Fm A#
Not to get in such a flurry
D# D# A# Cm
We're just an ordinary family
Fm A# D# G# D#
With the usual calamity
G# A# D# G# D#
We always try to look our best
G# A# D# G# D#
We always take care when we dress
G# D Cm D#
We always wear clean underwear
G# Fm
In case we're in an accident
A# A#
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, true
True, true, true, true, true, true, true, true
D# D Fm A#
When I become a married man
D# D Fm A#
With children of my very own
D# A# Cm
Will I lay my inhibitions on
Fm A#
And criticise their sexuality?
D# A# Cm
Will I use them to protect respect?
Fm A#
Will I try to own them flesh and bone?
D# A# Cm
Or will I be their equal friend
Fm A#
Encouraging their new ideas?
D# A# Cm
For the future lies within their hands
Fm A#
And the salvation of all these lands
D# A# Cm
Yes, the ordinary family
Fm D# A#
Is the only way to set us freeeeee
G# A# D# A#
Set us free, set us freeeeee
G# A# D# A#
Set us free, set us freeeeeee
G# A# D#
Set us free, set us free