F# F G#m C#
My father cut his toe off
F# F G#m C#
In a rotary lawn mower
F# C# D#m
And my mother burst a blood vessel
G#m C#
When my younger brother went to jail
F# C# D#m
So I told her not to worry
G#m C#
Not to get in such a flurry
F# C# D#m
We're just an ordinary family
G#m C# F# B F#
With the usual calamity
F# F G#m C#
When I was just a virgin lad
F# F G#m C#
My mother faked a suicide
F# C# D#m
Because she found the tell-tale sign
G#m C#
Of puberty upon the sheets
F# C# D#m
So I told her not to worry
G#m C#
Not to get in such a flurry
F# F# C# D#m
We're just an ordinary family
G#m C# F# B F#
With the usual calamity
B C# F# B F#
We always try to look our best
B C# F# B F#
We always take care when we dress
B F D#m F#
We always wear clean underwear
B G#m
In case we're in an accident
C# C#
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, true
True, true, true, true, true, true, true, true
F# F G#m C#
When I become a married man
F# F G#m C#
With children of my very own
F# C# D#m
Will I lay my inhibitions on
G#m C#
And criticise their sexuality?
F# C# D#m
Will I use them to protect respect?
G#m C#
Will I try to own them flesh and bone?
F# C# D#m
Or will I be their equal friend
G#m C#
Encouraging their new ideas?
F# C# D#m
For the future lies within their hands
G#m C#
And the salvation of all these lands
F# C# D#m
Yes, the ordinary family
G#m F# C#
Is the only way to set us freeeeee
B C# F# C#
Set us free, set us freeeeee
B C# F# C#
Set us free, set us freeeeeee
B C# F#
Set us free, set us free