C, D7
Well...let me put it like this.
F D7
In any great adventure,
Gm7 C7 F
that you don't want to lose,
Dm7 G7 C
victory depends upon the poeple that you choose.
A# F/A Gm7 C7 F
So, listen, Arthur darling, closely to this news:
A# F/A
We won't succeed on Broadway,
G7 C
If you don't have any Jews.
F
You may have the finest sets,
Fill the stage with penthouse pets,
G#dim7 Gm7 C7
You may have the loveliest costumes and best shoes.
Gm7 C7
You my dance and you may sing,
Gm7 C7
But I'm sorry, Arthur king,
Gm7
You'll hear no cheers,
C7
Just lots and lots of boos.
F
Boo.
F7
You mahve have butch men by the score
A#
Whom the audience adore,
A#/Ab G7 C A#/D
You may even have some animals from zoos,
C7/E F F7/A
Though you've Poles and krauts instead,
A# Db/Cb
You may have unlevened bread,
F/C G#dim7 D
But I tell you, you are dead,
D7/F# G7 C7 F
If you don't have any Jews.
G#dim7 C7/E F C
F
They won't care if it's witty,
or everything looks pretty,
G#dim7 Gm7 C7
They'll simply say it's sh*tty and refuse.
Gm7 C7
Nobody will go, sir,
Gm7 C7 Gm7 C7
If it's not kosher then no show, sir,
Gm7 C7 F
Even Goyem won't be dim enough to choose!
C7/G
Put on shows that make men stare,
F7/A A#
With lots of girls in underwear,
G7 C
You may even have the finest of reviews.
Dm7 add4 C/E
You're doing great!
F F7/A
The audience won't care, sir,
A# Db/Cb
As long as you don't dare, sir,
To open up on Broadway
G7 C7 F
If you don't have any Jews.
F A#
You may have dramatic lighting,
Or lots of horrid fighting,
C#dim7 Cm7 G7#9
You may even have some white men sing the blues!
Cm7 F7
Your knights might be nice boys,
Cm7 F7
But sadly we're all goys,
Cm7 F7 A#
And that noise that you call singing you must lose.
Cm7
So, despite your pretty lights,
A#7/D D#
and naughty girls in nasty tights,
C Em7(add4) C7/E F7 D#/G
and the most impressive scenery you use...
Bdim7 A# A#7/D
You may have dancing mana-mano,
D# Gb/Fb
You may bring on a piano,
A#/F G#dim7 G7
But they will not give a damn-o
G7/B C7 F7 A#
If you don't have any Jews!
Bridge
D7 G7 G7/B C7 F7 A# D#m A#m
F7 A#m
You may fill your play with gays,
F
Have Nigerian girls in stays,
A#m
You may even have some schizas making stews!
D#m
You haven't got a clue,
A#m
If you don't have a Jew,
C7 F7
All of your investments you are going to lose!
A#
There's a very small percentile,
D#m
Who enjoys a dancing gentile,
C7 F
I'm sad to be the one with this bad news!
A# A#7/D
But never mind your swordplay,
D# Gb/Fb
You just won't succeed on Broadway,
A#/F G#dim7 G7
You just won't succeed on Broadway,
G7/B C7 F7 A#
If you don't have any Jews!