Intro
B B B B
B B A E
B B A E
[Verse 1]
B
If you'd have told me a year ago
A E
That I'd be locked inside of my home (Ah, ah, ah)
B
I would have told you, a year ago:
A E
"Interesting, now leave me alone"
B
Sorry that I look like a mess (Ah, ah, ah)
A E
I booked a haircut, but it got rescheduled
B
Robert's been a little depressed, no
A E
And so, today, I'm gonna try just
N.C. B G#m
Getting up, sitting down, going back to work
A E
Might not help, but still, it couldn't hurt
N.C. B G#m
I'm sitting down, writing jokes, singing silly songs
A E
I'm sorry I was gone
N.C. B
But look, I made you some content
G#m A E
Daddy made you your favorite, open wide
B
Here comes the content
G#m A E B
It's a beautiful day to stay inside
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2. Comedy
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
Am
The world is changing
Db+
The planet's heating up
C/G D7 G C#dim
What the fuck is going on?
Am
Rearranging
Db+ C/G
It's like everything happened all at once
D7 G C#dim
Um, what the fuck is going on?
F G C Am G F
The people rising in the streets, the war, the drought
F G C Am G
The more I look the more I see nothing to joke about
F G
Is comedy over?
C
Should I leave you alone?
Am G F G
'Cause, really who's gonna go for joking at a time like this?
C Am Em
Should I be joking at a time like this?
[Pre-Chorus]
F G C Am G
I wanna help to leave this world better than I found it
F G
And I fear that comedy won't help
C Am G
And the fear is not unfounded
F G
Should I stop trying to be funny?
E7 Am G F
Should I give away my money? No!
Fm
What do I do?
[Pre-Verse]
Am G C Am
Healing the world with comedy
G F Dm
The indescribable power of your comedy
Am G C
The world needs direction
Am A#
From a white guy like me (Bingo)
F
Who is healing the world with comedy
That's it!
[Verse 1]
Am G C Am
The world is so fucked up
G
Systematic oppression
F Dm
Income inequality
Am
The other stuff
C Am
And there's only one thing I can do about it...
A# F
While... while being paid, and being the center of attention
[Chorus]
Am G C Am
Healing the world with comedy
G F Dm
Making a literal difference, metaphorically
Am G C
E Jew walks into a bar
Am A#
And I've saved him a seat
F
That's healing the world with comedy
[Verse 2]
Am G
I'm a special kind of white guy
C Am G
I self-reflected and I want to be an agent of change
F
So I am going to use my privilege for the good
Dm
(Very cool, way to go!)
Am G
American white guys
C Am A#
We've had the floor for at least 400 years
F Dm
So maybe I should just shut the fuck up
N.C.
...I'm bored
Am G
I don't wanna do that
C Am
There's got to be another way (Yes)
G F Dm
For me to help out without standing on the sidelines (Never)
Am G
The wait is over!
C Am
I'm white, and I'm here to save the day!
A# F
Lord help me channel Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side (Sandra Bullock!)
[Chorus]
Am G C Am
Healing the world with comedy
G F Dm
Making a literal difference, metaphorically
Am G C
And yes, most likely they'll pay me
Am A#
But I'd do it for free
F
I am healing the world with: Comedy
[Bridge]
F C G
If you wake up in a house that's full of smoke
Am G F
Don't panic, call me and I'll tell you a joke
F C G
If you see white men dressed in white cloaks
Am Em F
Don't panic, call me and I'll tell you a joke
C E7 Am G
Oh shit, should I be joking in a time like this?
F C G
If you start to smell burning toast
Am G F
You're having a stroke or overcooking your toast
F C G
If you wake up in a house that's full of smoke
Am G F
Don't panic, call me and I'll tell you a joke
F C G
If you see white men dressed in white cloaks
Am Em F
Don't panic, call me and I'll tell you a joke
C E7 Am G
Oh shit, should I be joking in a time like this?
F Fm
Somebody help me out, 'cause I don't know
[Pre-Chorus]
F G C Am G
And I wanna help to leave this world better than I found it
F G
And I fear that comedy won't help
C Am G
And the fear is not unfounded
F G
Should I stop trying to be funny?
E7 Am G F
Should I give away my money? No!
G7 A7
I know what I gotta do!
[Chorus]
Bm A D Bm
Healing the world with comedy
A G Em
Making a literal difference, metaphorically
Bm A D
I swore I'd never be back
Bm C
But now I'm back on my feet
G Em
And I'm healing the world with comedy
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3. FaceTime with my Mom (Tonight)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Capo at 1st fret
[Intro]
C D Em D/F# G Bm C Bm
C D Em D/F# G Bm C
[Chorus]
C D Em
Pour me a drink and clear my schedule
D/F# G Bm C Bm
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
C D Em
These 40 minutes are essential
D/F# G Bm C
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
[Verse 1]
C D Em D/F# G
I call, she answers and her hair is wet
Bm C Bm
(hair is, hair is wet...)
C D Em D/F# G
I say, "Did you just shower?" she says "how'd you guess?"
Bm C
I say, "Your hair is wet" She says, "Oh yeah"
[Chorus]
C D Em
I tell my boys I need some space, yeah
D/F# G Bm C
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
Bm C D Em
She'll hold her iPhone 5 no further than 6 inches from her face
D/F# G Bm C
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
[Verse 2]
C D Em D/F# G
She says, "Oh, look who's here. Say 'hi' to Dad!"
Bm C Bm
(Dad, dad, hi, hi to Dad)
C D Em D/F# G
He says, "How ya doing, bud?" I say, "I'm not so bad"
Bm C
And that's the deepest talk we've ever had
[Chorus]
C D Em
Watching as she looks for her glasses
D/F# G Bm C
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
Bm C D Em
She'll tell me all about the season six finale of The Blacklist
D/F# G Bm C
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
[Outro]
G Dm C
My mother's covering her camera with her thumb
Am G
I'll waste my time, FaceTiming with my mom
Dm C
My mother's covering her camera with her thumb
Am G
I'll waste my time, FaceTiming with my mom
Dm C
My mother's covering her camera with her thumb
Am G
I'll waste my time, FaceTiming with my mom
Dm C
My mother's covering her camera with her thumb
Am G
I'll waste my time, FaceTiming with my mom
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. How The World Works
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro: Bo Burnham]
Bm E
Hey, kids
A A F#/A#
Today, we're gonna learn about the world
[Verse 1]
Bm E
The world that's around us
A
Is pretty amazing
A
But how does it work?
F#/A#
It must be complicated
Bm E A
The secret is the world can only work
A F#/A#
When everything works together
[Verse 2: Bo Burnham]
Bm E
E bee drinks from a flower
A
And leaves with its pollen
A
E squirrel in a tree
F#/A# Bm
Spreads the seeds that have fallen
E
Everything works together
A F#/A# Bm E
The biggest elephant, the littlest fly
A F#/A# Bm E
The gophers underground, the birds in the sky
Db/F F#m Aaug/F A/E D(b5)/Eb
And every single cricket, every fish in the sea
D B E
Gives what they can and gets what they need
[Chorus: Bo Burnham]
A B
That is how the world works
D Bm E
That is how the world works
A
From E to Zebra
Db7 F#m
To the worms in the dirt
D A/E
That's how it works
[Interlude 1: Bo Burnham & Socko]
A Dbm/Ab
Hey everyone
F#m7
Look who stopped by to say hello
Dbm/Ab
It's Socko
A
Hey!
Dbm/Ab
Where you been, Socko?
F#m7 Dbm/Ab
I've been where I always am when you're not wearing me on your hand
A Dbm/Ab F#m7
In a frightening, liminal space between states of being
Dbm/Ab
Not quite dead, not quite alive
A Dbm/Ab
It's similar to a constant state of sleep paralysis
F#m7 Dbm/Ab
Socko, we were just talking about the world and how it works
A Dbm/Ab
Boy, that sounds complicated!
F#m7
Do you have anything you'd want to teach us about the world?
Dbm/Ab A
I wouldn't say anything that you probably haven't already said yourself
Dbm/Ab
I don't know about that, Socko
B E
How about you give it a try?
Alright!
[Verse 3: Socko]
Bm E A
The simple narrative taught in every history class
A F#/A# Bm
Is demonstrably false and pedagogically classist
E A
Don't you know the world is built with blood?
A F#/A#
And genocide and exploitation
Bm E A
The global network of capital essentially functions
A F#/A# Bm
To separate the worker from the means of production
E A
And the FBI killed Martin Luther King
A F#/A# Bm E
Private property's inherently theft
A F#/A# Bm E
And neoliberal fascists are destroying the left
Db/F F#m Aaug/F A/E D(b5)/Eb
And every politician, every cop on the street
D B E
Protects the interests of the pedophilic corporate elite
[Chorus: Socko & Bo Burnham]
A B
That is how the world works
Really?
D B/Eb E
That is how the world works
A Db7 F#m
Genocide, the Natives say you got to it first
D A/E
That's how it works
[Interlude 2: Bo Burnham & Socko]
A Dbm/Ab
That's pretty intense
F#m
No shit
Dbm/Ab
What can I do to help?
A
Read a book or something, I don't know
Dbm/Ab F#m7
Just don't burden me with the responsibility of educating you
Dbm/Ab
It's incredibly exhausting
A
I'm sorry, Socko
Dbm/Ab F#m7
I was just trying to become a better person
Dbm/Ab A
Why do you rich fucking white people insist on seeing every
Dbm/Ab F#m7 Dbm/Ab
socio-political conflict through the myopic lens of your own self-actualization?
A
This isn't about you
Dbm/Ab F#m7
So either get with it, or get out of the fucking way
Watch your mouth, buddy
Dbm/Ab A
Remember who's on whose hand here
But that's what I--
Dbm/Ab
Have you not been fucking listening?
F#m
We are entrenched in--
Alright, alright
Dbm/Ab
Wait, no please!
I don't wanna go back, please
A
I can't go, I can't go back
N.C.
Please, please, I'm sorry
Are you gonna behave yourself?
Yes
Yes, what?
Yes, sir
Look at me
Yes, sir
That's better
[Chorus: Bo Burnham, Socko & Both]
A B
That is how the world works
D B/Eb E
That is how the world works
A
I hope you learned your lesson
Db7 F#m
I did and it hurt
D A/E
That's how it works
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5. White Woman's Instagram
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse 1]
C G
An open window
Dm
E novel
F
E couple holding hands
C G
An avocado
Dm Am G
E poem, written in the sand
F G C
Fresh fallen snow on the ground
Am
E golden retriever in a flower crown
F G C
Is this heaven?
Am G
Or is it just a
[Chorus]
C
White woman
Dm
E white woman's Instagram
Em
White woman
F G
E white woman's Instagram (Instagram)
C
White woman
Dm
E white woman's Instagram
Em
White woman
F
E white woman's Instagram
[Verse 2]
C G
Latte foam art
Dm
Tiny pumpkins
F
Fuzzy, comfy socks
C G
Coffee table made out of driftwood
Dm
E bobblehead of Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Am G
E needlepoint of a fox
F G C
Some random quote from Lord of the Rings
Am
Incorrectly attributed to Martin Luther King
F G C
Is this heaven?
Am G
Or am I looking at a
[Chorus]
C
White woman
Dm
E white woman's Instagram
Em
White woman (White woman)
F G
E white woman's Instagram (Instagram)
C
White woman
Dm
E white woman's Instagram
Em
White woman
F G
E white woman's Instagram
[Bridge]
G Am F
Her favorite photo of her mom
G
The caption says:
Am F
"I can't believe it
G Am
It's been a decade since you've been gone
F
Momma, I miss you
G
I miss sitting with you in the front yard
Am F
Still figuring out how to keep living without you
It's got a little better but it's still hard
G Am F
Momma, I got a job I love and my own apartment
G
Momma, I got a boyfriend and I'm crazy about him
Am F
Your little girl didn't do too bad
Momma, I love you. Give a hug and kiss to dad"
[Verse 3]
C G
E goat-cheese salad (Goat cheese salad)
Dm
E backlit hammock (Backlit hammock)
Am G
E simple glass of wine
C G
Incredibly derivative political street art
Dm
E dreamcatcher bought from urban outfitters
Am G
E vintage neon sign
F G C
Three little words, a couple of doves
Am F
And a ring on her finger from the person she loves
G C
Is this heaven?
Am G
Or is it just a
[Chorus]
C
White woman
Dm
E white woman's Instagram
Em
White woman (White woman)
F G
E white woman's Instagram (Instagram)
C
White woman
Dm
E white woman's Instagram
Em
White woman
F G
E white woman's Instagram
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6. Unpaid Intern
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse 1]
Dm C A# A
Who needs a coffee? Cause I'm doing a run
Dm C A# A
I'm writing down the orders now for everyone
Dm C A# A
The coffee is free, just like me
Dm C A# A
I'm an unpaid intern
[Verse 2]
Dm C A# A
Sorting papers, runnin' around (Runnin' around)
Dm C A# A
Sitting in the meeting room, not making a sound (Not a sound)
Dm C A# C
Barely people, somehow legal
Dm C A# A
Unpaid intern
[Verse 3]
Dm C A# A
You work all day, go back to your dorm
Dm C A# A
And since you can't afford a mortgage, you just torrent a porn
Dm C A# A
Cause you're an intern (Unpaid)
N.C.
Wa-da-da-wap-wa-da
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7. Bezos I
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
Bm Bm A A
[Chorus]
Bm
CEO, entrepreneur, born in 1964
A
Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos
Bm
CEO, entrepreneur, born in 1964
A
Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos
[Verse]
Bm
Come on, Jeffrey, you can do it
Bm
Pave the way, put your back into it
A
Tell us why, show us how
A
Look at where you came from
N.G
Look at you now
Bm
Zuckerberg and Gates and Buffet
Bm
Amateurs can fucking suck it
A
Fuck their wives, drink their blood
A
Come on, Jeff, get 'em!
[Synth Solo]
Bm Bm A A
Bm Bm A A
*Scream
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8. Sexting
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
Gmaj7
Sexting (Whoa)
Dmaj7
It isn't sex it's the next best thing
Gmaj7
Sexting
Dmaj7
Aye, aye, AT&T
[Verse 1]
Gmaj7
I am in bed I am ready to go with you
Dmaj7
Tonight I'm thinking of taking it slow
Gmaj7 Dmaj7
We'll use emojis only, we don't need phonetical diction
Gmaj7
We'll talk dirty like we're ancient Egyptians
[Verse 2]
Dmaj7
You send me a peach, I send a carrot back
Gmaj7
You send a Ferris wheel, that's pretty abstract
Dmaj7
I send back a ticket stubtickets implying that the Ferris wheel's your body
Gmaj7
And I'd really love admission to it
Dmaj7
Oh no! What if now you think that I'm implying your vagina is as big as a Ferris wheel?
Gmaj7
You send back a snowman
Dmaj7
Crisis averted (Thank God)
[Chorus]
Gmaj7
Sexting (Whoa)
Dmaj7
It isn't sex it's the next best thing (Next best thing)
Gmaj7
Sexting
Dmaj7
Aye, aye, AT&T
[Verse 3]
Gmaj7
No more emojis, now it's on to words
Dmaj7
I ask what you're wearing. You reply, "E shirt"
Gmaj7
You say, "Are you naked?"
Dmaj7
I say, "Yeah, except for a top hat", you say, "lmao" but I doubt that
Gmaj7
I'm getting hot at just the thought of what I'd do to you
Dmaj7
Cause in my head I'm in your bed and getting through to you
Gmaj7
They made the internet for nights like these
Dmaj7
I love you, baby, send a picture of your tits, please
[Chorus]
Gmaj7
Sexting (Whoa)
Dmaj7
It isn't sex is the next best thing (Next best thing)
Gmaj7
Sexting
Dmaj7
We are sexting (Aye, aye, AT&T)
[Verse 4]
Gmaj7
You send the pic and say it's now my turn
Dmaj7
Jesus fucking Christ I guess I never learn
Gmaj7
My phone's flash is my only light and
Dmaj7
The flash makes my dick look frightened
Gmaj7
I chicken out and send a picture of my face instead
Dmaj7
Because my dick looks like the baby from Eraserhead
Gmaj7
You say, "I sent my titties that's not fair"
Dmaj7
So I send it to you and then my phone dies
[Outro]
Dmaj7 F#m7
Another night on my own, yeah
Bm7
Stuck in my home, yeah
Dmaj7
Sitting alone, one hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah
F#m7
Another night on my own, yeah
Bm7
Stuck in my home, yeah
Dmaj7
Sitting alone, one hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah
F#m7
Another night on my own, yeah
Bm7
Stuck in my home, yeah
Dmaj7
Sitting alone, one hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah (Pussy)
F#m7
Another night on my own, yeah (Titties)
Bm7
Stuck in my home, yeah (Balls)
N.C.
Sitting alone, one hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9. Look Who's Inside Again
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse 1]
A F#m E D
Trying to be funny and stuck in a room
A F#m E D
There isn't much more to say about it
A F#m E D
Can one be funny when stuck in a room?
A F#m E D
Being in, trying to get something out of it
F#m C# D
Try making faces
E F#m
Try telling jokes
F#m C# D E
Making little sounds
[Verse 2]
A F#m E D A
I was a kid who was stuck in his room
A F#m E D
There isn't much more to say about it
A F#m E D A
When you're a kid and you're stuck in your room
A F#m E D
You'll do any old shit to get out of it
F#m C# D
Try making faces
E F#m
Try telling jokes
F#m C# D E
Making little sounds
[Chorus]
A
Well, well
Bm
Look who's inside again
E A
Went out to look for a reason to hide again
A
Well, well
Bm E
Buddy, you found it
E F#m F
Now come out with your hands up
E Dm
We've got you surrounded
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10. Problematic
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Capo at 3rd fret
[Intro]
Bm Bm D E
Bm Bm E G E
[Verse 1]
Bm Bm
I grew up as your usual suburbanite
D E
E tiny town in Massachusetts, overwhelmingly white
Bm Bm
I went to church on Sundays in a suit and a tie
D E
Then spent my free time watching Family Guy
Bm Bm D
I started doing comedy when I was just a sheltered kid
E
I wrote offensive shit, and I said it:
Bm Bm E
"Father, please forgive me, for I did not realize what I did"
G E
Or that I'd live to regret it
[Pre-Chorus]
G D Bm
Times are changing, and I'm getting old
D
Are you gonna hold me accountable?
Bm D
My bed is empty and I'm getting cold
Bm D N.C.
Isn't anybody gonna hold me accountable? Uh
[Chorus]
Bm Bm
I'm problematic (He's a problem)
Bm E
when I was seventeen, on Halloween
Bm Bm
I dressed up as Aladdin (He's a problem)
E N.C.
I did not darken my skin, but still, it feels weird in [Solo] hindsight
[Synth Solo]
Bm Bm D E
Bm Bm E G E
[Verse 2]
Bm Bm
I want to show you how I'm growing as a person, but first
D E
I feel I must address the lyrics from the previous verse
Bm Bm
I tried to hide behind my childhood, and that's not okay
D E
My actions are my own, I won't explain them away
Bm Bm D
I've done a lot of self-reflecting since I started singing this song
E
I was totally wrong when I said it:
Bm Bm E
"Father, please forgive me, for I did not realize what I did"
G E
Or that I'd live to regret it
[Pre-Chorus]
G D Bm
Times are changing and I'm getting old
Bm
Are you gonna hold me accountable?
G D
My bed is empty and I'm getting cold
Bm Bm N.C.
Isn't anybody gonna hold me accountable? Uh
[Chorus]
Bm Bm
I'm problematic (He's a problem)
Bm E
I just remembered that Aladdin costume's
Bm Bm E G
In my mother's attic (He's a problem) I'm gonna go home and burn it
E N.C.
Or not burn it. Is burning it bad? What should I do with it?
[Bridge]
G D
And I've been totally awful
A Bm D/A
My closet is chock-full of stuff that is vaguely shitty
G D
All of it was perfectly lawful
A Bm D/A
Just not very thoughtful at all and just really shitty
G D
And I've been totally awful
A Bm D/A
My closet is chock-full of stuff that is vaguely shitty
G D
All of it was perfectly lawful
A N.C.
Just not very thoughtful at all and just really...
[Outro]
D Bm
And I'm really fucking sorry
F#m F#m
Bitch, I'm trying to listen, shit, I’ve been complicit
D Bm
Sorry
F#m F#m
If I'm gonna catch up, first, I gotta fess up
D Bm F#m F#m
Sorry
D Bm F#m F#m
Sorry
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11. 30
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
C
[Verse 1]
C
I used to run for miles, I used to ride my bike
C Dm
I used to wake up with a smile and go to bed at night with a dream, ah
C
But now I'm turning 30, no!
[Verse 2]
C
I used to be the young one, got used to meeting people
C Dm
Who were used to meeting someone who was born in 1990, no way! (Yeah, I was born in 1990)
C
Now I'm turning 30, God, God damn it
[Chorus]
C
I'm (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
Dm
Turning (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
A#
Thirty (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
C
I'm turning 30 (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
[Verse 3]
C
When he was 27, my granddad fought in Vietnam
C Dm
When I was 27, I built a birdhouse with my mom, oh fuck
C
How am I 30?
[Verse 4]
C
I used to make fun of the boomers in retrospect, a bit too much
C
Now all these fucking zoomers are telling me that I'm out of touch
Dm
(Oh yeah? Well, your fucking phones are poisoning your minds. Okay?
C
So when you develop a dissociative mental disorder in your late twenties don't come crawling back to me)
[Chorus]
C
I'm (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
Dm
Turning (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
A#
Thirty (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
C
I'm turning 30 (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
[Bridge]
C
And now my stupid friends are having stupid children
Am
My stupid friends are having stupid children
A#
My stupid friends are having stupid children
C
My stupid friends are having stupid children
C
And now my stupid friends are having stupid children
Am
My stupid friends are having stupid children
A#
My stupid friends are having stupid children
C
Stupid, fucking ugly, boring children
[Outro]
Em
It's 2020, and I'm 30
Am
I'll do another ten
F C
2030 I'll be 40 and kill myself then
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
12. Don't Wanna Know
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse 1]
C
How are you feeling?
D7
Do you like the show?
Am
Are you tired of it?
F7 Gsus4
Never mind, I don’t wanna know
C
Are you finding it boring?
D7 Am
Too fast? Too slow?
F7
I’m asking, but don’t answer
Gsus4
‘Cause I don’t wanna know
[Verse 2]
C
Do I have your attention?
D7 Am
Yes, or no?
F7
I bet I’d guess the answer
Gsus4
But I don’t wanna know
C
Em I on in the background?
D7 Am
Are you on your phone?
F7
I’d ask you what you’re watching
Gsus4
But I don’t wanna know
[Verse 3]
C
Is there anyone out there?
D7 Am
Or am I all alone?
F7
It wouldn’t make a difference
Gsus4
Still I don’t wanna know
C
I thought it’d be over by now
D7 Am
But I got a while to go
F7
I’d give away the ending
Gsus4
But you don’t wanna know
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
13. Shit
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Capo at 3rd fret
[Intro]
N.C.
How we feelin' out there tonight? Ha ha ha, Yeeeah, I am not feeling good
[Verse 1]
E7
Wake up at 11:30
E7
Feelin' like a bag of shit (Oh no!)
E7
All my clothes are dirty
E7
So I'm smelling like a bag of shit
E7
Go to pour my coffee and I miss my cup
E7
OMG, that is just my luck
E7
Look in the mirror, say "What's up
N.C.
You useless fuck?"
[Pre-Chorus]
E7
Are you feeling what I'm feeling?
E7
I haven't had a shower in the last nine days (Ah)
E7
Staring at the ceiling
E7
And waiting for this feeling to go away but it won't go away
N.C.
I'm not really feeling like I wanna get lit (Tell us how you're feelin')
[Chorus]
E7 G
Well, I feel like shit (Oh, shit)
A B E7 G
Feeling like a saggy, massive sack of shit (Oh, shit)
A B E7 G
Big 'ol motherfucking duffel bag of shit (Oh, shit)
A B
All day, all shit
[Bridge]
E7 G
I'm not really feeling like I wanna get lit
A
(Tell us how you're feelin')
N.C.
I'm feeling like shit
[Outro]
E7
Ladies (Yeah?), do you feel like shit?
A7
Tell me do you feel like shit? (Oh, yеah)
E7
Fellas (Huh?), are you feeling like shit?
A7
Tеll me, are you feeling like shit? (Oh, yeah)
E7
Ladies (Yeah?), do you feel like shit?
A7
Tell me do you feel like shit? (Oh, yeah)
E7
Fellas (Huh?), are you feeling like shit?
A7
Tell me, are you feelin' like shit? (Oh, yeah)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
14. All Time Low
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse]
Am7 Dm
Feeling in my body
G C
Way down deep inside me
Am Dm
I try not to fight it
G C
(Describe it!) All right
Am7 Dm
E few things start to happen
G C
My vision start to flatten
Am Dm
My heart, it gets to tappin'
G C
And I think I'm gonna die
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15. Welcome to the Internet
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse 1]
Am
Welcome to the internet. Have a look around.
Dm
Anything that brain of yours can think of can be found.
C
We've got mountains of content. Some better, some worse.
E7
If none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first.
[Verse 2]
Am
Welcome to the internet. Come and take a seat.
Dm
Would you like to see the news or any famous women's feet.
C
There's no need to panic. This isn't a test (huh huh).
E7
Just nod or shake your head and we'll do the rest.
[Verse 3]
Am
Welcome to the internet. What would you prefer.
Dm
Would you like to fight for civil rights or tweet a racial slur.
C
Be happy. Be horny. Be bursting with rage.
E7
We got a million different ways to engage
[Verse 4]
Am
Welcome to the internet. Put your cares aside.
Dm
Here's a tip for straining pasta. Here's a nine-year-old who died.
C
We got movies, and doctors, and fantasy sports.
E7
And a bunch of colored pencil drawings of all the characters of harry potter fuckin
Am
eachother.
[Verse 5]
Am
Welcome to the internet. Hold on to your socks.
Dm
'cause a random guy just kindly sent you photos of his cock.
C
They are grainy and off-putting. He just sent you more.
E7
Dont act surprised. You know you like it, you whore.
[Verse 6]
Am
See a man beheaded. Get offended, see a shrink.
Dm
Show us pictures of your children. Tell us every thought you think.
C
Start a rumor, buy a broom or send a death threat to a boomer.
E7
Or AM a girl and groom her. Do a Zoom or find a tumor in your-
[Verse 7]
Am
Here's a healthy breakfast option. You should kill your mom.
Dm
Here's why women never fuck you. Here's how you can build a bomb.
C
Which Power Ranger are you? Take this quirky quiz.
E7 E7 Dm C B Am
Obama sent the immigrants. To vac- cin- ate- your- kids.
[Chorus]
Am
Could I interest you in everything, all of the time?
Dm
E little bit of everything. All of the time.
C
Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime.
A7*
Anything and everything. All of the time.
Am
Could I interest you in everything, all of the time?
Dm
E little bit of everything. All of the time.
C
Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime.
A7*
Anything and everything. All of the time.
[Interlude]
Am G F E7
[Verse 8]
Am G F E7
You know, it wasn't always like this
Am G
Not very long ago
F E7
Just before your time
Am G
Right before the towers fell
F E7
Circa '99
[Verse 9]
Dm
This was catalogues
C
Travel blogs
E7 Am
E chat room or two
Dm C
We set our sights and spent our nights
E7 G7
Waiting
[2nd Chorus]
Cmaj7
For you
Am7
You
F G
Insatiable you
Cmaj7 Am7
Mommy let you use her iPad
F G
You were barely two
Am C#dim
And it did all the things
G F
We designed it to do
[Bridge]
F
Now look at you
G
Oh, look at you
A
You
[2nd Chorus]
Dmaj7 Bm7
You
G A
Unstoppable, watchable
Dmaj7 Bm7
Your time is now. Your inside's out.
G A
Honey, how you grew
Bm7 Ebdim
And if we stick together
A G
Who knows what we'll do
G A
It was always the plan
Ebdim Em7
To put the world in your hand
Bm Bm/F# Bm Bm/F# Bm Bm/F# Bm Bm/F#
[laughing]
[Chorus]
Bm
Could I interest you in everything, all of the time?
Em
E little bit of everything. All of the time.
D
Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime.
B7*
Anything and everything. All of the time.
Bm
Could I interest you in everything, all of the time?
Em
E little bit of everything. All of the time.
D
Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime.
F#7
Anything and everything
F#7
And anything and everything
F#7
And anything and everything
B7* Em* (as hard as you possibly can!)
And all of the time
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16. Bezos II
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cm
Jeffrey Bezos
A#
Jeffrey Bezos
F
Jeffrey Bezos
Eb A#
Ugh!
Cm
Jeffrey Bezos
A#
Jeffrey Bezos
F
Jeffrey Bezos
Eb A#
You did it!
Cm
Jeffrey Bezos
A#
Jeffrey Bezos
F
Jeffrey Bezos
Eb A#
Congratulations!
Cm
Jeffrey Bezos
A#
Jeffrey Bezos
F
Jeffrey Bezos
Eb A#
Ah!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
17. That Funny Feeling
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Capo at 2nd fret
[Intro]
A
[Verse 1]
A D A
Stunning 8K resolution meditation app
A D A
In honour of the revolution it’s half off at the Gap
Bm E F#m D
Deadpool's self awareness, loving parents, harmless fun
Bm E F#m D
The backlash to the backlash to the thing that’s just begun
[Chorus]
A Bm
There it is again, that funny feeling
F#m D
That funny feeling
A Bm
There it is again, that funny feeling
F#m D
That funny feeling
[Verse 2]
A D A
The surgeon general’s pop-up shop, Robert Iger’s face
A D A
Discount Etsy agitprop, Bugle’s take on race
Bm E F#m D
Female Colonel Sanders, easy answers, civil war
Bm E F#m D
The whole world at your fingertips, the ocean at your door
A D A
The live-action Lion King, the Pеpsi halftime show
A D A
Twenty thousand years of this, sеven more to go
Bm E F#m D
Carpool Karaoke, Steve Aoki, Logan Paul
Bm E F#m D
E gift shop at the gun range, a mass shooting at the mall
[Chorus]
A Bm
There it is again, that funny feeling
F#m D
That funny feeling
A Bm
There it is again, that funny feeling
F#m D
That funny feeling
[Verse 3]
A D A
Reading Pornhub’s terms of service, going for a drive
A D A
And obeying all the traffic laws in Grand Theft Auto V
Bm E F#m D
Full agoraphobic, losing focus, cover blown
Bm E F#m D
E book on getting better hand-delivered by a drone
A D A
Total disassociation, fully out your mind
A D A
Googling “derealisation”, hating what you find
Bm E F#m D
That unapparent summer air in early fall
Bm E F#m D
The quiet comprehending of the ending of it all
[Chorus]
A Bm
There it is again, that funny feeling
F#m D
That funny feeling
A Bm
There it is again, that funny feeling
F#m D
That funny feeling
[Bridge]
A
Hey, what can ya say?
Bm
We were overdue
G
But it’ll be over soon
D
You wait
A
Hey, what can ya say?
Bm
We were overdue
G
But it’ll be over soon
D
just wait (bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh)
A
Hey, what can ya say?
Bm
We were overdue
G
But it’ll be over soon
D
You wait (bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh)
A
Hey, what can ya say?
Bm
We were overdue
G
But it’ll be over soon
D
You wait (bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
18. All Eyes On Me
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
G
*crowd applause*
D A Bm G
Thank you very much. Thank you! You guys have been incredible. Thank you.
D A Bm G
I couldn't have done it without you guys.
D A Bm G
I couldn't, really, I... This last year has been... you know there have been times that
D A Bm G
um... but just knowing that you're here, you know, feeling you here with me,
D A Bm G
um... yeah thank you.
D A Bm G
You know I hate to ask because ahhh you have given me so much,
D A Bm G
but... I need you to do one more thing for me.
D A Bm
Can you do that?
[Chorus 1]
G
Put your fucking hands up
D A
Get on out of your seats
Bm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
G
Get your fucking hands up
D A
Get on out of your seats
Bm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
[Verse 1]
G D
Are you feeling nervous?
A
Are you having fun?
Bm G
It's almost over, it's just begun
D
Don't overthink this, look in my eye
A
Don't be scared, don't be shy
Bm G
Come on in, the water's fine
[Pre-Chorus]
D A
We're going to go where everybody knows
Bm G
Everybody knows, everybody oh
D A
We're going to go where everybody knows
Bm
Everybody knows...
[Chorus 1]
G
Get your fucking hands up
D A
Get on out of your seat
Bm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me, hey yo,
G
Get your fucking hands up
D A
Get on out of your seat
Bm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
[Chorus 2]
G D
Hands down, pray for me
A Bm
Heads down now, pray for me
G
Get your fucking hand up
D A
Get on out of your seat
Bm G
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
[Bridge 1]
D A Bm G
You wanna hear a funny story? So uh five years ago,
D A Bm G
I quit performing live comedy because I began to have
D A Bm G
severe panic attacks, while on stage, which is not a great place to have them
D A Bm G
So I, I quit. And I didn't perform for five years, I spent that time
D A Bm G
trying to improve myself mentally. And you know what? I did. I got better.
D A Bm G
I got so much better, in fact, that in January of
D A Bm G
2020, I thought, "You know what? I should
D A Bm G
start performing again. I've been hiding from the world
D A Bm G
and I need to... re-enter.
D A Bm G
And then, the funniest thing happened
[Verse 1]
G D
Are you feeling nervous?
A
Are you having fun?
Bm G
It's almost over, it's just begun
D
Don't overthink this, look in my eye
A
Don't be scared, don't be shy
Bm
Come on in, the water's fine
[Verse 2]
G D
You say the ocean's rising
A
Like I give a shit
Bm
You say the whole world's ending
G
Honey, it already did
D
You're not gonna slow it
A
Heaven knows you tried
Bm G
Got it? Good, now get inside
[Pre-Chorus]
D A
We're going to go where everybody knows
Bm G
Everybody knows, everybody oh
D A
We're going to go where everybody knows
Bm
Everybody knows...
[Final Chorus]
G
Get your fucking hands up
D A
Get on out of your seat
Bm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
G
Get your fucking hands up
D A
Get on out of your seat
Bm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
G D
Hands down, pray for me
A Bm
Heads down now, pray for me
G
I said get your fucking hands up
D A
Get up! Get up!
Bm
I'm talking to you, get the fuck up!
G
Get your fucking hands up
D A
Get on out of your seat
Bm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
G
Hey, fucking, get your fucking hands up
D A
Get on out of your seat
Bm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
G D
Come on, heads down, pray for me
A Bm
Heads down now, pray for me
G D
I said get your fucking hands up
Get...Haha!
A Bm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
19. Goodbye
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
D D D D
[Verse 1]
D
So long
F#7
Goodbye
Bm A
I'll see you when I see you
G
You can pick the street
Gm D F#7 Bm
I'll meet you on the other side
[Verse 2]
A/C# D
So long
F#7
Goodbye
Bm A
Do I really have to finish?
G Gm
Do returns always diminish?
D F#7 Bm
Did I say that right?
[Chorus]
D G#dim Em Bm
Does anybody want to joke
C G A
When no one's laughing in the background?
D Am7 C G F
So this is how it ends
D Am7 F A# G D
I promise to never go outside again
[Verse 3]
D Dsus4 D
So long
F#7
Bye!
Bm A G Gm
I'm slowly losing power, has it only been an hour?
D F#7 Bm
No, that can't be right
[Verse 4]
A/C# D Dsus4 D
So long
F#7 F# F#7
Goodbye
Bm A
Hey, here's a fun idea
G Gm D F#7 Bm
How about I sit on the couch and I watch you next time?
[Chorus]
D G#dim Em Bm
I wanna hear you tell a joke
C G A
When no one's laughing in the background?
D Am7 C G F
So this is how it ends
D Am7 F A# G
I promise to never go outside again
[Bridge]
Bm Em
Em I going crazy?
A
Would I even know?
D Ebdim
Em I right back where I started 14 years ago?
Bm Em
Wanna guess the ending?
A D Ebdim
If it ever does, I swear to God that all I've ever wanted was:
Bm Bm7
E little bit of everything all of the time
Em/G A
E bit of everything all of the time
D
Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime
F#dim
I'm finished playing and I'm staying inside
G D A
If I wake up in a house that's full of smoke
Bm A
I'll panic, so call me up and tell me a joke
G D A
When I'm fully irrelevant and totally broken, damn it
Bm F#m G
Call me up and tell me a joke
D
Oh shit
F#7 Bm A
You're really joking at a time like this?
[Outro]
D
Well, well
Em
Look who's inside again?
A Bm A
Went out to look for a reason to hide again
D
Well, well
Em A
Buddy, you found it
A#aug Bm A#aug
Now come out with your hands up
Gadd9 Cm D
We've got you surrounded
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
20. Any Day Now
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse]
F Gm7 Am A# C7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
F Gm7 Am A# C7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
F Gm7 Am A# C7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
F Gm7 Am A# C7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
F Gm7 Am A# C7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
F Gm7 Am A# C7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
F Gm7 Am A# C7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
F Gm7 Am A# C7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
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