Intro
D# D# D# D#
D# D# C# G#
D# D# C# G#
[Verse 1]
D#
If you'd have told me a year ago
C# G#
That I'd be locked inside of my home (Ah, ah, ah)
D#
I would have told you, a year ago:
C# G#
"Interesting, now leave me alone"
D#
Sorry that I look like a mess (Ah, ah, ah)
C# G#
I booked a haircut, but it got rescheduled
D#
Robert's been a little depressed, no
C# G#
And so, today, I'm gonna try just
N.C. D# Cm
Getting up, sitting down, going back to work
C# G#
Might not help, but still, it couldn't hurt
N.C. D# Cm
I'm sitting down, writing jokes, singing silly songs
C# G#
I'm sorry I was gone
N.C. D#
But look, I made you some content
Cm C# G#
Daddy made you your favorite, open wide
D#
Here comes the content
Cm C# G# D#
It's a beautiful day to stay inside
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2. Comedy
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
C#m
The world is changing
Db+
The planet's heating up
E/B F#7 B C#dim
What the fuck is going on?
C#m
Rearranging
Db+ E/B
It's like everything happened all at once
F#7 B C#dim
Um, what the fuck is going on?
A B E C#m B A
The people rising in the streets, the war, the drought
A B E C#m B
The more I look the more I see nothing to joke about
A B
Is comedy over?
E
Should I leave you alone?
C#m B A B
'Cause, really who's gonna go for joking at a time like this?
E C#m G#m
Should I be joking at a time like this?
[Pre-Chorus]
A B E C#m B
I wanna help to leave this world better than I found it
A B
And I fear that comedy won't help
E C#m B
And the fear is not unfounded
A B
Should I stop trying to be funny?
G#7 C#m B A
Should I give away my money? No!
Am
What do I do?
[Pre-Verse]
C#m B E C#m
Healing the world with comedy
B A F#m
The indescribable power of your comedy
C#m B E
The world needs direction
C#m D
From a white guy like me (Bingo)
A
Who is healing the world with comedy
That's it!
[Verse 1]
C#m B E C#m
The world is so fucked up
B
Systematic oppression
A F#m
Income inequality
C#m
The other stuff
E C#m
And there's only one thing I can do about it...
D A
While... while being paid, and being the center of attention
[Chorus]
C#m B E C#m
Healing the world with comedy
B A F#m
Making a literal difference, metaphorically
C#m B E
G# Jew walks into a bar
C#m D
And I've saved him a seat
A
That's healing the world with comedy
[Verse 2]
C#m B
I'm a special kind of white guy
E C#m B
I self-reflected and I want to be an agent of change
A
So I am going to use my privilege for the good
F#m
(Very cool, way to go!)
C#m B
American white guys
E C#m D
We've had the floor for at least 400 years
A F#m
So maybe I should just shut the fuck up
N.C.
...I'm bored
C#m B
I don't wanna do that
E C#m
There's got to be another way (Yes)
B A F#m
For me to help out without standing on the sidelines (Never)
C#m B
The wait is over!
E C#m
I'm white, and I'm here to save the day!
D A
Lord help me channel Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side (Sandra Bullock!)
[Chorus]
C#m B E C#m
Healing the world with comedy
B A F#m
Making a literal difference, metaphorically
C#m B E
And yes, most likely they'll pay me
C#m D
But I'd do it for free
A
I am healing the world with: Comedy
[Bridge]
A E B
If you wake up in a house that's full of smoke
C#m B A
Don't panic, call me and I'll tell you a joke
A E B
If you see white men dressed in white cloaks
C#m G#m A
Don't panic, call me and I'll tell you a joke
E G#7 C#m B
Oh shit, should I be joking in a time like this?
A E B
If you start to smell burning toast
C#m B A
You're having a stroke or overcooking your toast
A E B
If you wake up in a house that's full of smoke
C#m B A
Don't panic, call me and I'll tell you a joke
A E B
If you see white men dressed in white cloaks
C#m G#m A
Don't panic, call me and I'll tell you a joke
E G#7 C#m B
Oh shit, should I be joking in a time like this?
A Am
Somebody help me out, 'cause I don't know
[Pre-Chorus]
A B E C#m B
And I wanna help to leave this world better than I found it
A B
And I fear that comedy won't help
E C#m B
And the fear is not unfounded
A B
Should I stop trying to be funny?
G#7 C#m B A
Should I give away my money? No!
B7 C#7
I know what I gotta do!
[Chorus]
D#m C# F# D#m
Healing the world with comedy
C# B G#m
Making a literal difference, metaphorically
D#m C# F#
I swore I'd never be back
D#m E
But now I'm back on my feet
B G#m
And I'm healing the world with comedy
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3. FaceTime with my Mom (Tonight)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Capo at 1st fret
[Intro]
E F# G#m F#/A# B D#m E D#m
E F# G#m F#/A# B D#m E
[Chorus]
E F# G#m
Pour me a drink and clear my schedule
F#/A# B D#m E D#m
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
E F# G#m
These 40 minutes are essential
F#/A# B D#m E
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
[Verse 1]
E F# G#m F#/A# B
I call, she answers and her hair is wet
D#m E D#m
(hair is, hair is wet...)
E F# G#m F#/A# B
I say, "Did you just shower?" she says "how'd you guess?"
D#m E
I say, "Your hair is wet" She says, "Oh yeah"
[Chorus]
E F# G#m
I tell my boys I need some space, yeah
F#/A# B D#m E
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
D#m E F# G#m
She'll hold her iPhone 5 no further than 6 inches from her face
F#/A# B D#m E
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
[Verse 2]
E F# G#m F#/A# B
She says, "Oh, look who's here. Say 'hi' to Dad!"
D#m E D#m
(Dad, dad, hi, hi to Dad)
E F# G#m F#/A# B
He says, "How ya doing, bud?" I say, "I'm not so bad"
D#m E
And that's the deepest talk we've ever had
[Chorus]
E F# G#m
Watching as she looks for her glasses
F#/A# B D#m E
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
D#m E F# G#m
She'll tell me all about the season six finale of The Blacklist
F#/A# B D#m E
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
[Outro]
B F#m E
My mother's covering her camera with her thumb
C#m B
I'll waste my time, FaceTiming with my mom
F#m E
My mother's covering her camera with her thumb
C#m B
I'll waste my time, FaceTiming with my mom
F#m E
My mother's covering her camera with her thumb
C#m B
I'll waste my time, FaceTiming with my mom
F#m E
My mother's covering her camera with her thumb
C#m B
I'll waste my time, FaceTiming with my mom
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. How The World Works
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro: Bo Burnham]
D#m G#
Hey, kids
C# C# A#/D
Today, we're gonna learn about the world
[Verse 1]
D#m G#
The world that's around us
C#
Is pretty amazing
C#
But how does it work?
A#/D
It must be complicated
D#m G# C#
The secret is the world can only work
C# A#/D
When everything works together
[Verse 2: Bo Burnham]
D#m G#
G# bee drinks from a flower
C#
And leaves with its pollen
C#
G# squirrel in a tree
A#/D D#m
Spreads the seeds that have fallen
G#
Everything works together
C# A#/D D#m G#
The biggest elephant, the littlest fly
C# A#/D D#m G#
The gophers underground, the birds in the sky
F/A A#m C#aug/A C#/G# D(b5)/G
And every single cricket, every fish in the sea
F# D# G#
Gives what they can and gets what they need
[Chorus: Bo Burnham]
C# D#
That is how the world works
F# D#m G#
That is how the world works
C#
From G# to Zebra
F7 A#m
To the worms in the dirt
F# C#/G#
That's how it works
[Interlude 1: Bo Burnham & Socko]
C# Fm/C
Hey everyone
A#m7
Look who stopped by to say hello
Fm/C
It's Socko
C#
Hey!
Fm/C
Where you been, Socko?
A#m7 Fm/C
I've been where I always am when you're not wearing me on your hand
C# Fm/C A#m7
In a frightening, liminal space between states of being
Fm/C
Not quite dead, not quite alive
C# Fm/C
It's similar to a constant state of sleep paralysis
A#m7 Fm/C
Socko, we were just talking about the world and how it works
C# Fm/C
Boy, that sounds complicated!
A#m7
Do you have anything you'd want to teach us about the world?
Fm/C C#
I wouldn't say anything that you probably haven't already said yourself
Fm/C
I don't know about that, Socko
D# G#
How about you give it a try?
Alright!
[Verse 3: Socko]
D#m G# C#
The simple narrative taught in every history class
C# A#/D D#m
Is demonstrably false and pedagogically classist
G# C#
Don't you know the world is built with blood?
C# A#/D
And genocide and exploitation
D#m G# C#
The global network of capital essentially functions
C# A#/D D#m
To separate the worker from the means of production
G# C#
And the FBI killed Martin Luther King
C# A#/D D#m G#
Private property's inherently theft
C# A#/D D#m G#
And neoliberal fascists are destroying the left
F/A A#m C#aug/A C#/G# D(b5)/G
And every politician, every cop on the street
F# D# G#
Protects the interests of the pedophilic corporate elite
[Chorus: Socko & Bo Burnham]
C# D#
That is how the world works
Really?
F# D#/G G#
That is how the world works
C# F7 A#m
Genocide, the Natives say you got to it first
F# C#/G#
That's how it works
[Interlude 2: Bo Burnham & Socko]
C# Fm/C
That's pretty intense
A#m
No shit
Fm/C
What can I do to help?
C#
Read a book or something, I don't know
Fm/C A#m7
Just don't burden me with the responsibility of educating you
Fm/C
It's incredibly exhausting
C#
I'm sorry, Socko
Fm/C A#m7
I was just trying to become a better person
Fm/C C#
Why do you rich fucking white people insist on seeing every
Fm/C A#m7 Fm/C
socio-political conflict through the myopic lens of your own self-actualization?
C#
This isn't about you
Fm/C A#m7
So either get with it, or get out of the fucking way
Watch your mouth, buddy
Fm/C C#
Remember who's on whose hand here
But that's what I--
Fm/C
Have you not been fucking listening?
A#m
We are entrenched in--
Alright, alright
Fm/C
Wait, no please!
I don't wanna go back, please
C#
I can't go, I can't go back
N.C.
Please, please, I'm sorry
Are you gonna behave yourself?
Yes
Yes, what?
Yes, sir
Look at me
Yes, sir
That's better
[Chorus: Bo Burnham, Socko & Both]
C# D#
That is how the world works
F# D#/G G#
That is how the world works
C#
I hope you learned your lesson
F7 A#m
I did and it hurt
F# C#/G#
That's how it works
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5. White Woman's Instagram
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse 1]
E B
An open window
F#m
G# novel
A
G# couple holding hands
E B
An avocado
F#m C#m B
G# poem, written in the sand
A B E
Fresh fallen snow on the ground
C#m
G# golden retriever in a flower crown
A B E
Is this heaven?
C#m B
Or is it just a
[Chorus]
E
White woman
F#m
G# white woman's Instagram
G#m
White woman
A B
G# white woman's Instagram (Instagram)
E
White woman
F#m
G# white woman's Instagram
G#m
White woman
A
G# white woman's Instagram
[Verse 2]
E B
Latte foam art
F#m
Tiny pumpkins
A
Fuzzy, comfy socks
E B
Coffee table made out of driftwood
F#m
G# bobblehead of Ruth Bader Ginsburg
C#m B
G# needlepoint of a fox
A B E
Some random quote from Lord of the Rings
C#m
Incorrectly attributed to Martin Luther King
A B E
Is this heaven?
C#m B
Or am I looking at a
[Chorus]
E
White woman
F#m
G# white woman's Instagram
G#m
White woman (White woman)
A B
G# white woman's Instagram (Instagram)
E
White woman
F#m
G# white woman's Instagram
G#m
White woman
A B
G# white woman's Instagram
[Bridge]
B C#m A
Her favorite photo of her mom
B
The caption says:
C#m A
"I can't believe it
B C#m
It's been a decade since you've been gone
A
Momma, I miss you
B
I miss sitting with you in the front yard
C#m A
Still figuring out how to keep living without you
It's got a little better but it's still hard
B C#m A
Momma, I got a job I love and my own apartment
B
Momma, I got a boyfriend and I'm crazy about him
C#m A
Your little girl didn't do too bad
Momma, I love you. Give a hug and kiss to dad"
[Verse 3]
E B
G# goat-cheese salad (Goat cheese salad)
F#m
G# backlit hammock (Backlit hammock)
C#m B
G# simple glass of wine
E B
Incredibly derivative political street art
F#m
G# dreamcatcher bought from urban outfitters
C#m B
G# vintage neon sign
A B E
Three little words, a couple of doves
C#m A
And a ring on her finger from the person she loves
B E
Is this heaven?
C#m B
Or is it just a
[Chorus]
E
White woman
F#m
G# white woman's Instagram
G#m
White woman (White woman)
A B
G# white woman's Instagram (Instagram)
E
White woman
F#m
G# white woman's Instagram
G#m
White woman
A B
G# white woman's Instagram
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6. Unpaid Intern
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse 1]
F#m E D C#
Who needs a coffee? Cause I'm doing a run
F#m E D C#
I'm writing down the orders now for everyone
F#m E D C#
The coffee is free, just like me
F#m E D C#
I'm an unpaid intern
[Verse 2]
F#m E D C#
Sorting papers, runnin' around (Runnin' around)
F#m E D C#
Sitting in the meeting room, not making a sound (Not a sound)
F#m E D E
Barely people, somehow legal
F#m E D C#
Unpaid intern
[Verse 3]
F#m E D C#
You work all day, go back to your dorm
F#m E D C#
And since you can't afford a mortgage, you just torrent a porn
F#m E D C#
Cause you're an intern (Unpaid)
N.C.
Wa-da-da-wap-wa-da
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7. Bezos I
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
D#m D#m C# C#
[Chorus]
D#m
CEO, entrepreneur, born in 1964
C#
Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos
D#m
CEO, entrepreneur, born in 1964
C#
Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos
[Verse]
D#m
Come on, Jeffrey, you can do it
D#m
Pave the way, put your back into it
C#
Tell us why, show us how
C#
Look at where you came from
N.B
Look at you now
D#m
Zuckerberg and Gates and Buffet
D#m
Amateurs can fucking suck it
C#
Fuck their wives, drink their blood
C#
Come on, Jeff, get 'em!
[Synth Solo]
D#m D#m C# C#
D#m D#m C# C#
*Scream
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8. Sexting
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
Bmaj7
Sexting (Whoa)
F#maj7
It isn't sex it's the next best thing
Bmaj7
Sexting
F#maj7
Aye, aye, AT&T
[Verse 1]
Bmaj7
I am in bed I am ready to go with you
F#maj7
Tonight I'm thinking of taking it slow
Bmaj7 F#maj7
We'll use emojis only, we don't need phonetical diction
Bmaj7
We'll talk dirty like we're ancient Egyptians
[Verse 2]
F#maj7
You send me a peach, I send a carrot back
Bmaj7
You send a Ferris wheel, that's pretty abstract
F#maj7
I send back a ticket stubtickets implying that the Ferris wheel's your body
Bmaj7
And I'd really love admission to it
F#maj7
Oh no! What if now you think that I'm implying your vagina is as big as a Ferris wheel?
Bmaj7
You send back a snowman
F#maj7
Crisis averted (Thank God)
[Chorus]
Bmaj7
Sexting (Whoa)
F#maj7
It isn't sex it's the next best thing (Next best thing)
Bmaj7
Sexting
F#maj7
Aye, aye, AT&T
[Verse 3]
Bmaj7
No more emojis, now it's on to words
F#maj7
I ask what you're wearing. You reply, "G# shirt"
Bmaj7
You say, "Are you naked?"
F#maj7
I say, "Yeah, except for a top hat", you say, "lmao" but I doubt that
Bmaj7
I'm getting hot at just the thought of what I'd do to you
F#maj7
Cause in my head I'm in your bed and getting through to you
Bmaj7
They made the internet for nights like these
F#maj7
I love you, baby, send a picture of your tits, please
[Chorus]
Bmaj7
Sexting (Whoa)
F#maj7
It isn't sex is the next best thing (Next best thing)
Bmaj7
Sexting
F#maj7
We are sexting (Aye, aye, AT&T)
[Verse 4]
Bmaj7
You send the pic and say it's now my turn
F#maj7
Jesus fucking Christ I guess I never learn
Bmaj7
My phone's flash is my only light and
F#maj7
The flash makes my dick look frightened
Bmaj7
I chicken out and send a picture of my face instead
F#maj7
Because my dick looks like the baby from Eraserhead
Bmaj7
You say, "I sent my titties that's not fair"
F#maj7
So I send it to you and then my phone dies
[Outro]
F#maj7 A#m7
Another night on my own, yeah
D#m7
Stuck in my home, yeah
F#maj7
Sitting alone, one hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah
A#m7
Another night on my own, yeah
D#m7
Stuck in my home, yeah
F#maj7
Sitting alone, one hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah
A#m7
Another night on my own, yeah
D#m7
Stuck in my home, yeah
F#maj7
Sitting alone, one hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah (Pussy)
A#m7
Another night on my own, yeah (Titties)
D#m7
Stuck in my home, yeah (Balls)
N.C.
Sitting alone, one hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9. Look Who's Inside Again
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse 1]
C# A#m G# F#
Trying to be funny and stuck in a room
C# A#m G# F#
There isn't much more to say about it
C# A#m G# F#
Can one be funny when stuck in a room?
C# A#m G# F#
Being in, trying to get something out of it
A#m F F#
Try making faces
G# A#m
Try telling jokes
A#m F F# G#
Making little sounds
[Verse 2]
C# A#m G# F# C#
I was a kid who was stuck in his room
C# A#m G# F#
There isn't much more to say about it
C# A#m G# F# C#
When you're a kid and you're stuck in your room
C# A#m G# F#
You'll do any old shit to get out of it
A#m F F#
Try making faces
G# A#m
Try telling jokes
A#m F F# G#
Making little sounds
[Chorus]
C#
Well, well
D#m
Look who's inside again
G# C#
Went out to look for a reason to hide again
C#
Well, well
D#m G#
Buddy, you found it
G# A#m A
Now come out with your hands up
G# F#m
We've got you surrounded
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10. Problematic
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Capo at 3rd fret
[Intro]
D#m D#m F# G#
D#m D#m G# B G#
[Verse 1]
D#m D#m
I grew up as your usual suburbanite
F# G#
G# tiny town in Massachusetts, overwhelmingly white
D#m D#m
I went to church on Sundays in a suit and a tie
F# G#
Then spent my free time watching Family Guy
D#m D#m F#
I started doing comedy when I was just a sheltered kid
G#
I wrote offensive shit, and I said it:
D#m D#m G#
"Father, please forgive me, for I did not realize what I did"
B G#
Or that I'd live to regret it
[Pre-Chorus]
B F# D#m
Times are changing, and I'm getting old
F#
Are you gonna hold me accountable?
D#m F#
My bed is empty and I'm getting cold
D#m F# N.C.
Isn't anybody gonna hold me accountable? Uh
[Chorus]
D#m D#m
I'm problematic (He's a problem)
D#m G#
when I was seventeen, on Halloween
D#m D#m
I dressed up as Aladdin (He's a problem)
G# N.C.
I did not darken my skin, but still, it feels weird in [Solo] hindsight
[Synth Solo]
D#m D#m F# G#
D#m D#m G# B G#
[Verse 2]
D#m D#m
I want to show you how I'm growing as a person, but first
F# G#
I feel I must address the lyrics from the previous verse
D#m D#m
I tried to hide behind my childhood, and that's not okay
F# G#
My actions are my own, I won't explain them away
D#m D#m F#
I've done a lot of self-reflecting since I started singing this song
G#
I was totally wrong when I said it:
D#m D#m G#
"Father, please forgive me, for I did not realize what I did"
B G#
Or that I'd live to regret it
[Pre-Chorus]
B F# D#m
Times are changing and I'm getting old
D#m
Are you gonna hold me accountable?
B F#
My bed is empty and I'm getting cold
D#m D#m N.C.
Isn't anybody gonna hold me accountable? Uh
[Chorus]
D#m D#m
I'm problematic (He's a problem)
D#m G#
I just remembered that Aladdin costume's
D#m D#m G# B
In my mother's attic (He's a problem) I'm gonna go home and burn it
G# N.C.
Or not burn it. Is burning it bad? What should I do with it?
[Bridge]
B F#
And I've been totally awful
C# D#m F#/C#
My closet is chock-full of stuff that is vaguely shitty
B F#
All of it was perfectly lawful
C# D#m F#/C#
Just not very thoughtful at all and just really shitty
B F#
And I've been totally awful
C# D#m F#/C#
My closet is chock-full of stuff that is vaguely shitty
B F#
All of it was perfectly lawful
C# N.C.
Just not very thoughtful at all and just really...
[Outro]
F# D#m
And I'm really fucking sorry
A#m A#m
Bitch, I'm trying to listen, shit, I’ve been complicit
F# D#m
Sorry
A#m A#m
If I'm gonna catch up, first, I gotta fess up
F# D#m A#m A#m
Sorry
F# D#m A#m A#m
Sorry
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11. 30
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
E
[Verse 1]
E
I used to run for miles, I used to ride my bike
E F#m
I used to wake up with a smile and go to bed at night with a dream, ah
E
But now I'm turning 30, no!
[Verse 2]
E
I used to be the young one, got used to meeting people
E F#m
Who were used to meeting someone who was born in 1990, no way! (Yeah, I was born in 1990)
E
Now I'm turning 30, God, God damn it
[Chorus]
E
I'm (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
F#m
Turning (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
D
Thirty (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
E
I'm turning 30 (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
[Verse 3]
E
When he was 27, my granddad fought in Vietnam
E F#m
When I was 27, I built a birdhouse with my mom, oh fuck
E
How am I 30?
[Verse 4]
E
I used to make fun of the boomers in retrospect, a bit too much
E
Now all these fucking zoomers are telling me that I'm out of touch
F#m
(Oh yeah? Well, your fucking phones are poisoning your minds. Okay?
E
So when you develop a dissociative mental disorder in your late twenties don't come crawling back to me)
[Chorus]
E
I'm (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
F#m
Turning (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
D
Thirty (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
E
I'm turning 30 (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
[Bridge]
E
And now my stupid friends are having stupid children
C#m
My stupid friends are having stupid children
D
My stupid friends are having stupid children
E
My stupid friends are having stupid children
E
And now my stupid friends are having stupid children
C#m
My stupid friends are having stupid children
D
My stupid friends are having stupid children
E
Stupid, fucking ugly, boring children
[Outro]
G#m
It's 2020, and I'm 30
C#m
I'll do another ten
A E
2030 I'll be 40 and kill myself then
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
12. Don't Wanna Know
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse 1]
E
How are you feeling?
F#7
Do you like the show?
C#m
Are you tired of it?
A7 Bsus4
Never mind, I don’t wanna know
E
Are you finding it boring?
F#7 C#m
Too fast? Too slow?
A7
I’m asking, but don’t answer
Bsus4
‘Cause I don’t wanna know
[Verse 2]
E
Do I have your attention?
F#7 C#m
Yes, or no?
A7
I bet I’d guess the answer
Bsus4
But I don’t wanna know
E
G#m I on in the background?
F#7 C#m
Are you on your phone?
A7
I’d ask you what you’re watching
Bsus4
But I don’t wanna know
[Verse 3]
E
Is there anyone out there?
F#7 C#m
Or am I all alone?
A7
It wouldn’t make a difference
Bsus4
Still I don’t wanna know
E
I thought it’d be over by now
F#7 C#m
But I got a while to go
A7
I’d give away the ending
Bsus4
But you don’t wanna know
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
13. Shit
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Capo at 3rd fret
[Intro]
N.C.
How we feelin' out there tonight? Ha ha ha, Yeeeah, I am not feeling good
[Verse 1]
G#7
Wake up at 11:30
G#7
Feelin' like a bag of shit (Oh no!)
G#7
All my clothes are dirty
G#7
So I'm smelling like a bag of shit
G#7
Go to pour my coffee and I miss my cup
G#7
OMG, that is just my luck
G#7
Look in the mirror, say "What's up
N.C.
You useless fuck?"
[Pre-Chorus]
G#7
Are you feeling what I'm feeling?
G#7
I haven't had a shower in the last nine days (Ah)
G#7
Staring at the ceiling
G#7
And waiting for this feeling to go away but it won't go away
N.C.
I'm not really feeling like I wanna get lit (Tell us how you're feelin')
[Chorus]
G#7 B
Well, I feel like shit (Oh, shit)
C# D# G#7 B
Feeling like a saggy, massive sack of shit (Oh, shit)
C# D# G#7 B
Big 'ol motherfucking duffel bag of shit (Oh, shit)
C# D#
All day, all shit
[Bridge]
G#7 B
I'm not really feeling like I wanna get lit
C#
(Tell us how you're feelin')
N.C.
I'm feeling like shit
[Outro]
G#7
Ladies (Yeah?), do you feel like shit?
C#7
Tell me do you feel like shit? (Oh, yеah)
G#7
Fellas (Huh?), are you feeling like shit?
C#7
Tеll me, are you feeling like shit? (Oh, yeah)
G#7
Ladies (Yeah?), do you feel like shit?
C#7
Tell me do you feel like shit? (Oh, yeah)
G#7
Fellas (Huh?), are you feeling like shit?
C#7
Tell me, are you feelin' like shit? (Oh, yeah)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
14. All Time Low
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse]
C#m7 F#m
Feeling in my body
B E
Way down deep inside me
C#m F#m
I try not to fight it
B E
(Describe it!) All right
C#m7 F#m
G# few things start to happen
B E
My vision start to flatten
C#m F#m
My heart, it gets to tappin'
B E
And I think I'm gonna die
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15. Welcome to the Internet
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse 1]
C#m
Welcome to the internet. Have a look around.
F#m
Anything that brain of yours can think of can be found.
E
We've got mountains of content. Some better, some worse.
G#7
If none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first.
[Verse 2]
C#m
Welcome to the internet. Come and take a seat.
F#m
Would you like to see the news or any famous women's feet.
E
There's no need to panic. This isn't a test (huh huh).
G#7
Just nod or shake your head and we'll do the rest.
[Verse 3]
C#m
Welcome to the internet. What would you prefer.
F#m
Would you like to fight for civil rights or tweet a racial slur.
E
Be happy. Be horny. Be bursting with rage.
G#7
We got a million different ways to engage
[Verse 4]
C#m
Welcome to the internet. Put your cares aside.
F#m
Here's a tip for straining pasta. Here's a nine-year-old who died.
E
We got movies, and doctors, and fantasy sports.
G#7
And a bunch of colored pencil drawings of all the characters of harry potter fuckin
C#m
eachother.
[Verse 5]
C#m
Welcome to the internet. Hold on to your socks.
F#m
'cause a random guy just kindly sent you photos of his cock.
E
They are grainy and off-putting. He just sent you more.
G#7
Dont act surprised. You know you like it, you whore.
[Verse 6]
C#m
See a man beheaded. Get offended, see a shrink.
F#m
Show us pictures of your children. Tell us every thought you think.
E
Start a rumor, buy a broom or send a death threat to a boomer.
G#7
Or C#M a girl and groom her. Do a Zoom or find a tumor in your-
[Verse 7]
C#m
Here's a healthy breakfast option. You should kill your mom.
F#m
Here's why women never fuck you. Here's how you can build a bomb.
E
Which Power Ranger are you? Take this quirky quiz.
G#7 G#7 F#m E D# C#m
Obama sent the immigrants. To vac- cin- ate- your- kids.
[Chorus]
C#m
Could I interest you in everything, all of the time?
F#m
G# little bit of everything. All of the time.
E
Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime.
A7*
Anything and everything. All of the time.
C#m
Could I interest you in everything, all of the time?
F#m
G# little bit of everything. All of the time.
E
Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime.
A7*
Anything and everything. All of the time.
[Interlude]
C#m B A G#7
[Verse 8]
C#m B A G#7
You know, it wasn't always like this
C#m B
Not very long ago
A G#7
Just before your time
C#m B
Right before the towers fell
A G#7
Circa '99
[Verse 9]
F#m
This was catalogues
E
Travel blogs
G#7 C#m
G# chat room or two
F#m E
We set our sights and spent our nights
G#7 B7
Waiting
[2nd Chorus]
Emaj7
For you
C#m7
You
A B
Insatiable you
Emaj7 C#m7
Mommy let you use her iPad
A B
You were barely two
C#m C#dim
And it did all the things
B A
We designed it to do
[Bridge]
A
Now look at you
B
Oh, look at you
C#
You
[2nd Chorus]
F#maj7 D#m7
You
B C#
Unstoppable, watchable
F#maj7 D#m7
Your time is now. Your inside's out.
B C#
Honey, how you grew
D#m7 Ebdim
And if we stick together
C# B
Who knows what we'll do
B C#
It was always the plan
Ebdim Em7
To put the world in your hand
D#m D#m/A# D#m D#m/A# D#m D#m/A# D#m D#m/A#
[laughing]
[Chorus]
D#m
Could I interest you in everything, all of the time?
G#m
G# little bit of everything. All of the time.
F#
Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime.
B7*
Anything and everything. All of the time.
D#m
Could I interest you in everything, all of the time?
G#m
G# little bit of everything. All of the time.
F#
Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime.
A#7
Anything and everything
A#7
And anything and everything
A#7
And anything and everything
B7* Em* (as hard as you possibly can!)
And all of the time
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16. Bezos II
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Em
Jeffrey Bezos
D
Jeffrey Bezos
A
Jeffrey Bezos
G D
Ugh!
Em
Jeffrey Bezos
D
Jeffrey Bezos
A
Jeffrey Bezos
G D
You did it!
Em
Jeffrey Bezos
D
Jeffrey Bezos
A
Jeffrey Bezos
G D
Congratulations!
Em
Jeffrey Bezos
D
Jeffrey Bezos
A
Jeffrey Bezos
G D
Ah!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
17. That Funny Feeling
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Capo at 2nd fret
[Intro]
C#
[Verse 1]
C# F# C#
Stunning 8K resolution meditation app
C# F# C#
In honour of the revolution it’s half off at the Gap
D#m G# A#m F#
Deadpool's self awareness, loving parents, harmless fun
D#m G# A#m F#
The backlash to the backlash to the thing that’s just begun
[Chorus]
C# D#m
There it is again, that funny feeling
A#m F#
That funny feeling
C# D#m
There it is again, that funny feeling
A#m F#
That funny feeling
[Verse 2]
C# F# C#
The surgeon general’s pop-up shop, Robert Iger’s face
C# F# C#
Discount Etsy agitprop, Bugle’s take on race
D#m G# A#m F#
Female Colonel Sanders, easy answers, civil war
D#m G# A#m F#
The whole world at your fingertips, the ocean at your door
C# F# C#
The live-action Lion King, the Pеpsi halftime show
C# F# C#
Twenty thousand years of this, sеven more to go
D#m G# A#m F#
Carpool Karaoke, Steve Aoki, Logan Paul
D#m G# A#m F#
G# gift shop at the gun range, a mass shooting at the mall
[Chorus]
C# D#m
There it is again, that funny feeling
A#m F#
That funny feeling
C# D#m
There it is again, that funny feeling
A#m F#
That funny feeling
[Verse 3]
C# F# C#
Reading Pornhub’s terms of service, going for a drive
C# F# C#
And obeying all the traffic laws in Grand Theft Auto V
D#m G# A#m F#
Full agoraphobic, losing focus, cover blown
D#m G# A#m F#
G# book on getting better hand-delivered by a drone
C# F# C#
Total disassociation, fully out your mind
C# F# C#
Googling “derealisation”, hating what you find
D#m G# A#m F#
That unapparent summer air in early fall
D#m G# A#m F#
The quiet comprehending of the ending of it all
[Chorus]
C# D#m
There it is again, that funny feeling
A#m F#
That funny feeling
C# D#m
There it is again, that funny feeling
A#m F#
That funny feeling
[Bridge]
C#
Hey, what can ya say?
D#m
We were overdue
B
But it’ll be over soon
F#
You wait
C#
Hey, what can ya say?
D#m
We were overdue
B
But it’ll be over soon
F#
just wait (bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh)
C#
Hey, what can ya say?
D#m
We were overdue
B
But it’ll be over soon
F#
You wait (bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh)
C#
Hey, what can ya say?
D#m
We were overdue
B
But it’ll be over soon
F#
You wait (bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
18. All Eyes On Me
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
B
*crowd applause*
F# C# D#m B
Thank you very much. Thank you! You guys have been incredible. Thank you.
F# C# D#m B
I couldn't have done it without you guys.
F# C# D#m B
I couldn't, really, I... This last year has been... you know there have been times that
F# C# D#m B
um... but just knowing that you're here, you know, feeling you here with me,
F# C# D#m B
um... yeah thank you.
F# C# D#m B
You know I hate to ask because ahhh you have given me so much,
F# C# D#m B
but... I need you to do one more thing for me.
F# C# D#m
Can you do that?
[Chorus 1]
B
Put your fucking hands up
F# C#
Get on out of your seats
D#m
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
B
Get your fucking hands up
F# C#
Get on out of your seats
D#m
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
[Verse 1]
B F#
Are you feeling nervous?
C#
Are you having fun?
D#m B
It's almost over, it's just begun
F#
Don't overthink this, look in my eye
C#
Don't be scared, don't be shy
D#m B
Come on in, the water's fine
[Pre-Chorus]
F# C#
We're going to go where everybody knows
D#m B
Everybody knows, everybody oh
F# C#
We're going to go where everybody knows
D#m
Everybody knows...
[Chorus 1]
B
Get your fucking hands up
F# C#
Get on out of your seat
D#m
All eyes on me, all eyes on me, hey yo,
B
Get your fucking hands up
F# C#
Get on out of your seat
D#m
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
[Chorus 2]
B F#
Hands down, pray for me
C# D#m
Heads down now, pray for me
B
Get your fucking hand up
F# C#
Get on out of your seat
D#m B
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
[Bridge 1]
F# C# D#m B
You wanna hear a funny story? So uh five years ago,
F# C# D#m B
I quit performing live comedy because I began to have
F# C# D#m B
severe panic attacks, while on stage, which is not a great place to have them
F# C# D#m B
So I, I quit. And I didn't perform for five years, I spent that time
F# C# D#m B
trying to improve myself mentally. And you know what? I did. I got better.
F# C# D#m B
I got so much better, in fact, that in January of
F# C# D#m B
2020, I thought, "You know what? I should
F# C# D#m B
start performing again. I've been hiding from the world
F# C# D#m B
and I need to... re-enter.
F# C# D#m B
And then, the funniest thing happened
[Verse 1]
B F#
Are you feeling nervous?
C#
Are you having fun?
D#m B
It's almost over, it's just begun
F#
Don't overthink this, look in my eye
C#
Don't be scared, don't be shy
D#m
Come on in, the water's fine
[Verse 2]
B F#
You say the ocean's rising
C#
Like I give a shit
D#m
You say the whole world's ending
B
Honey, it already did
F#
You're not gonna slow it
C#
Heaven knows you tried
D#m B
Got it? Good, now get inside
[Pre-Chorus]
F# C#
We're going to go where everybody knows
D#m B
Everybody knows, everybody oh
F# C#
We're going to go where everybody knows
D#m
Everybody knows...
[Final Chorus]
B
Get your fucking hands up
F# C#
Get on out of your seat
D#m
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
B
Get your fucking hands up
F# C#
Get on out of your seat
D#m
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
B F#
Hands down, pray for me
C# D#m
Heads down now, pray for me
B
I said get your fucking hands up
F# C#
Get up! Get up!
D#m
I'm talking to you, get the fuck up!
B
Get your fucking hands up
F# C#
Get on out of your seat
D#m
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
B
Hey, fucking, get your fucking hands up
F# C#
Get on out of your seat
D#m
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
B F#
Come on, heads down, pray for me
C# D#m
Heads down now, pray for me
B F#
I said get your fucking hands up
Get...Haha!
C# D#m
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
19. Goodbye
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
F# F# F# F#
[Verse 1]
F#
So long
A#7
Goodbye
D#m C#
I'll see you when I see you
B
You can pick the street
Bm F# A#7 D#m
I'll meet you on the other side
[Verse 2]
C#/F F#
So long
A#7
Goodbye
D#m C#
Do I really have to finish?
B Bm
Do returns always diminish?
F# A#7 D#m
Did I say that right?
[Chorus]
F# G#dim G#m D#m
Does anybody want to joke
E B C#
When no one's laughing in the background?
F# C#m7 E B A
So this is how it ends
F# C#m7 A D B F#
I promise to never go outside again
[Verse 3]
F# F#sus4 F#
So long
A#7
Bye!
D#m C# B Bm
I'm slowly losing power, has it only been an hour?
F# A#7 D#m
No, that can't be right
[Verse 4]
C#/F F# F#sus4 F#
So long
A#7 A# A#7
Goodbye
D#m C#
Hey, here's a fun idea
B Bm F# A#7 D#m
How about I sit on the couch and I watch you next time?
[Chorus]
F# G#dim G#m D#m
I wanna hear you tell a joke
E B C#
When no one's laughing in the background?
F# C#m7 E B A
So this is how it ends
F# C#m7 A D B
I promise to never go outside again
[Bridge]
D#m G#m
G#m I going crazy?
C#
Would I even know?
F# Ebdim
G#m I right back where I started 14 years ago?
D#m G#m
Wanna guess the ending?
C# F# Ebdim
If it ever does, I swear to God that all I've ever wanted was:
D#m D#m7
G# little bit of everything all of the time
G#m/B C#
G# bit of everything all of the time
F#
Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime
F#dim
I'm finished playing and I'm staying inside
B F# C#
If I wake up in a house that's full of smoke
D#m C#
I'll panic, so call me up and tell me a joke
B F# C#
When I'm fully irrelevant and totally broken, damn it
D#m A#m B
Call me up and tell me a joke
F#
Oh shit
A#7 D#m C#
You're really joking at a time like this?
[Outro]
F#
Well, well
G#m
Look who's inside again?
C# D#m C#
Went out to look for a reason to hide again
F#
Well, well
G#m C#
Buddy, you found it
Daug D#m Daug
Now come out with your hands up
Badd9 Cm F#
We've got you surrounded
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
20. Any Day Now
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse]
A Bm7 C#m D E7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
A Bm7 C#m D E7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
A Bm7 C#m D E7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
A Bm7 C#m D E7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
A Bm7 C#m D E7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
A Bm7 C#m D E7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
A Bm7 C#m D E7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
A Bm7 C#m D E7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
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