Intro
D D D D
D D C G
D D C G
[Verse 1]
D
If you'd have told me a year ago
C G
That I'd be locked inside of my home (Ah, ah, ah)
D
I would have told you, a year ago:
C G
"Interesting, now leave me alone"
D
Sorry that I look like a mess (Ah, ah, ah)
C G
I booked a haircut, but it got rescheduled
D
Robert's been a little depressed, no
C G
And so, today, I'm gonna try just
N.C. D Bm
Getting up, sitting down, going back to work
C G
Might not help, but still, it couldn't hurt
N.C. D Bm
I'm sitting down, writing jokes, singing silly songs
C G
I'm sorry I was gone
N.C. D
But look, I made you some content
Bm C G
Daddy made you your favorite, open wide
D
Here comes the content
Bm C G D
It's a beautiful day to stay inside
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2. Comedy
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
Cm
The world is changing
Db+
The planet's heating up
D#/A# F7 A# C#dim
What the fuck is going on?
Cm
Rearranging
Db+ D#/A#
It's like everything happened all at once
F7 A# C#dim
Um, what the fuck is going on?
Ab A# D# Cm A# Ab
The people rising in the streets, the war, the drought
Ab A# D# Cm A#
The more I look the more I see nothing to joke about
Ab A#
Is comedy over?
D#
Should I leave you alone?
Cm A# Ab A#
'Cause, really who's gonna go for joking at a time like this?
D# Cm Gm
Should I be joking at a time like this?
[Pre-Chorus]
Ab A# D# Cm A#
I wanna help to leave this world better than I found it
Ab A#
And I fear that comedy won't help
D# Cm A#
And the fear is not unfounded
Ab A#
Should I stop trying to be funny?
G7 Cm A# Ab
Should I give away my money? No!
Abm
What do I do?
[Pre-Verse]
Cm A# D# Cm
Healing the world with comedy
A# Ab Fm
The indescribable power of your comedy
Cm A# D#
The world needs direction
Cm Db
From a white guy like me (Bingo)
Ab
Who is healing the world with comedy
That's it!
[Verse 1]
Cm A# D# Cm
The world is so fucked up
A#
Systematic oppression
Ab Fm
Income inequality
Cm
The other stuff
D# Cm
And there's only one thing I can do about it...
Db Ab
While... while being paid, and being the center of attention
[Chorus]
Cm A# D# Cm
Healing the world with comedy
A# Ab Fm
Making a literal difference, metaphorically
Cm A# D#
G Jew walks into a bar
Cm Db
And I've saved him a seat
Ab
That's healing the world with comedy
[Verse 2]
Cm A#
I'm a special kind of white guy
D# Cm A#
I self-reflected and I want to be an agent of change
Ab
So I am going to use my privilege for the good
Fm
(Very cool, way to go!)
Cm A#
American white guys
D# Cm Db
We've had the floor for at least 400 years
Ab Fm
So maybe I should just shut the fuck up
N.C.
...I'm bored
Cm A#
I don't wanna do that
D# Cm
There's got to be another way (Yes)
A# Ab Fm
For me to help out without standing on the sidelines (Never)
Cm A#
The wait is over!
D# Cm
I'm white, and I'm here to save the day!
Db Ab
Lord help me channel Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side (Sandra Bullock!)
[Chorus]
Cm A# D# Cm
Healing the world with comedy
A# Ab Fm
Making a literal difference, metaphorically
Cm A# D#
And yes, most likely they'll pay me
Cm Db
But I'd do it for free
Ab
I am healing the world with: Comedy
[Bridge]
Ab D# A#
If you wake up in a house that's full of smoke
Cm A# Ab
Don't panic, call me and I'll tell you a joke
Ab D# A#
If you see white men dressed in white cloaks
Cm Gm Ab
Don't panic, call me and I'll tell you a joke
D# G7 Cm A#
Oh shit, should I be joking in a time like this?
Ab D# A#
If you start to smell burning toast
Cm A# Ab
You're having a stroke or overcooking your toast
Ab D# A#
If you wake up in a house that's full of smoke
Cm A# Ab
Don't panic, call me and I'll tell you a joke
Ab D# A#
If you see white men dressed in white cloaks
Cm Gm Ab
Don't panic, call me and I'll tell you a joke
D# G7 Cm A#
Oh shit, should I be joking in a time like this?
Ab Abm
Somebody help me out, 'cause I don't know
[Pre-Chorus]
Ab A# D# Cm A#
And I wanna help to leave this world better than I found it
Ab A#
And I fear that comedy won't help
D# Cm A#
And the fear is not unfounded
Ab A#
Should I stop trying to be funny?
G7 Cm A# Ab
Should I give away my money? No!
A#7 C7
I know what I gotta do!
[Chorus]
Dm C F Dm
Healing the world with comedy
C A# Gm
Making a literal difference, metaphorically
Dm C F
I swore I'd never be back
Dm D#
But now I'm back on my feet
A# Gm
And I'm healing the world with comedy
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3. FaceTime with my Mom (Tonight)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Capo at 1st fret
[Intro]
D# F Gm F/A A# Dm D# Dm
D# F Gm F/A A# Dm D#
[Chorus]
D# F Gm
Pour me a drink and clear my schedule
F/A A# Dm D# Dm
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
D# F Gm
These 40 minutes are essential
F/A A# Dm D#
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
[Verse 1]
D# F Gm F/A A#
I call, she answers and her hair is wet
Dm D# Dm
(hair is, hair is wet...)
D# F Gm F/A A#
I say, "Did you just shower?" she says "how'd you guess?"
Dm D#
I say, "Your hair is wet" She says, "Oh yeah"
[Chorus]
D# F Gm
I tell my boys I need some space, yeah
F/A A# Dm D#
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
Dm D# F Gm
She'll hold her iPhone 5 no further than 6 inches from her face
F/A A# Dm D#
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
[Verse 2]
D# F Gm F/A A#
She says, "Oh, look who's here. Say 'hi' to Dad!"
Dm D# Dm
(Dad, dad, hi, hi to Dad)
D# F Gm F/A A#
He says, "How ya doing, bud?" I say, "I'm not so bad"
Dm D#
And that's the deepest talk we've ever had
[Chorus]
D# F Gm
Watching as she looks for her glasses
F/A A# Dm D#
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
Dm D# F Gm
She'll tell me all about the season six finale of The Blacklist
F/A A# Dm D#
I'ma FaceTime with my mom tonight
[Outro]
A# Fm D#
My mother's covering her camera with her thumb
Cm A#
I'll waste my time, FaceTiming with my mom
Fm D#
My mother's covering her camera with her thumb
Cm A#
I'll waste my time, FaceTiming with my mom
Fm D#
My mother's covering her camera with her thumb
Cm A#
I'll waste my time, FaceTiming with my mom
Fm D#
My mother's covering her camera with her thumb
Cm A#
I'll waste my time, FaceTiming with my mom
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. How The World Works
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro: Bo Burnham]
Dm G
Hey, kids
C C A/Db
Today, we're gonna learn about the world
[Verse 1]
Dm G
The world that's around us
C
Is pretty amazing
C
But how does it work?
A/Db
It must be complicated
Dm G C
The secret is the world can only work
C A/Db
When everything works together
[Verse 2: Bo Burnham]
Dm G
G bee drinks from a flower
C
And leaves with its pollen
C
G squirrel in a tree
A/Db Dm
Spreads the seeds that have fallen
G
Everything works together
C A/Db Dm G
The biggest elephant, the littlest fly
C A/Db Dm G
The gophers underground, the birds in the sky
Fb/Ab Am Caug/Ab C/G D(b5)/Gb
And every single cricket, every fish in the sea
F D G
Gives what they can and gets what they need
[Chorus: Bo Burnham]
C D
That is how the world works
F Dm G
That is how the world works
C
From G to Zebra
Fb7 Am
To the worms in the dirt
F C/G
That's how it works
[Interlude 1: Bo Burnham & Socko]
C Fbm/Cb
Hey everyone
Am7
Look who stopped by to say hello
Fbm/Cb
It's Socko
C
Hey!
Fbm/Cb
Where you been, Socko?
Am7 Fbm/Cb
I've been where I always am when you're not wearing me on your hand
C Fbm/Cb Am7
In a frightening, liminal space between states of being
Fbm/Cb
Not quite dead, not quite alive
C Fbm/Cb
It's similar to a constant state of sleep paralysis
Am7 Fbm/Cb
Socko, we were just talking about the world and how it works
C Fbm/Cb
Boy, that sounds complicated!
Am7
Do you have anything you'd want to teach us about the world?
Fbm/Cb C
I wouldn't say anything that you probably haven't already said yourself
Fbm/Cb
I don't know about that, Socko
D G
How about you give it a try?
Alright!
[Verse 3: Socko]
Dm G C
The simple narrative taught in every history class
C A/Db Dm
Is demonstrably false and pedagogically classist
G C
Don't you know the world is built with blood?
C A/Db
And genocide and exploitation
Dm G C
The global network of capital essentially functions
C A/Db Dm
To separate the worker from the means of production
G C
And the FBI killed Martin Luther King
C A/Db Dm G
Private property's inherently theft
C A/Db Dm G
And neoliberal fascists are destroying the left
Fb/Ab Am Caug/Ab C/G D(b5)/Gb
And every politician, every cop on the street
F D G
Protects the interests of the pedophilic corporate elite
[Chorus: Socko & Bo Burnham]
C D
That is how the world works
Really?
F D/Gb G
That is how the world works
C Fb7 Am
Genocide, the Natives say you got to it first
F C/G
That's how it works
[Interlude 2: Bo Burnham & Socko]
C Fbm/Cb
That's pretty intense
Am
No shit
Fbm/Cb
What can I do to help?
C
Read a book or something, I don't know
Fbm/Cb Am7
Just don't burden me with the responsibility of educating you
Fbm/Cb
It's incredibly exhausting
C
I'm sorry, Socko
Fbm/Cb Am7
I was just trying to become a better person
Fbm/Cb C
Why do you rich fucking white people insist on seeing every
Fbm/Cb Am7 Fbm/Cb
socio-political conflict through the myopic lens of your own self-actualization?
C
This isn't about you
Fbm/Cb Am7
So either get with it, or get out of the fucking way
Watch your mouth, buddy
Fbm/Cb C
Remember who's on whose hand here
But that's what I--
Fbm/Cb
Have you not been fucking listening?
Am
We are entrenched in--
Alright, alright
Fbm/Cb
Wait, no please!
I don't wanna go back, please
C
I can't go, I can't go back
N.C.
Please, please, I'm sorry
Are you gonna behave yourself?
Yes
Yes, what?
Yes, sir
Look at me
Yes, sir
That's better
[Chorus: Bo Burnham, Socko & Both]
C D
That is how the world works
F D/Gb G
That is how the world works
C
I hope you learned your lesson
Fb7 Am
I did and it hurt
F C/G
That's how it works
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5. White Woman's Instagram
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse 1]
D# A#
An open window
Fm
G novel
Ab
G couple holding hands
D# A#
An avocado
Fm Cm A#
G poem, written in the sand
Ab A# D#
Fresh fallen snow on the ground
Cm
G golden retriever in a flower crown
Ab A# D#
Is this heaven?
Cm A#
Or is it just a
[Chorus]
D#
White woman
Fm
G white woman's Instagram
Gm
White woman
Ab A#
G white woman's Instagram (Instagram)
D#
White woman
Fm
G white woman's Instagram
Gm
White woman
Ab
G white woman's Instagram
[Verse 2]
D# A#
Latte foam art
Fm
Tiny pumpkins
Ab
Fuzzy, comfy socks
D# A#
Coffee table made out of driftwood
Fm
G bobblehead of Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Cm A#
G needlepoint of a fox
Ab A# D#
Some random quote from Lord of the Rings
Cm
Incorrectly attributed to Martin Luther King
Ab A# D#
Is this heaven?
Cm A#
Or am I looking at a
[Chorus]
D#
White woman
Fm
G white woman's Instagram
Gm
White woman (White woman)
Ab A#
G white woman's Instagram (Instagram)
D#
White woman
Fm
G white woman's Instagram
Gm
White woman
Ab A#
G white woman's Instagram
[Bridge]
A# Cm Ab
Her favorite photo of her mom
A#
The caption says:
Cm Ab
"I can't believe it
A# Cm
It's been a decade since you've been gone
Ab
Momma, I miss you
A#
I miss sitting with you in the front yard
Cm Ab
Still figuring out how to keep living without you
It's got a little better but it's still hard
A# Cm Ab
Momma, I got a job I love and my own apartment
A#
Momma, I got a boyfriend and I'm crazy about him
Cm Ab
Your little girl didn't do too bad
Momma, I love you. Give a hug and kiss to dad"
[Verse 3]
D# A#
G goat-cheese salad (Goat cheese salad)
Fm
G backlit hammock (Backlit hammock)
Cm A#
G simple glass of wine
D# A#
Incredibly derivative political street art
Fm
G dreamcatcher bought from urban outfitters
Cm A#
G vintage neon sign
Ab A# D#
Three little words, a couple of doves
Cm Ab
And a ring on her finger from the person she loves
A# D#
Is this heaven?
Cm A#
Or is it just a
[Chorus]
D#
White woman
Fm
G white woman's Instagram
Gm
White woman (White woman)
Ab A#
G white woman's Instagram (Instagram)
D#
White woman
Fm
G white woman's Instagram
Gm
White woman
Ab A#
G white woman's Instagram
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6. Unpaid Intern
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse 1]
Fm D# Db C
Who needs a coffee? Cause I'm doing a run
Fm D# Db C
I'm writing down the orders now for everyone
Fm D# Db C
The coffee is free, just like me
Fm D# Db C
I'm an unpaid intern
[Verse 2]
Fm D# Db C
Sorting papers, runnin' around (Runnin' around)
Fm D# Db C
Sitting in the meeting room, not making a sound (Not a sound)
Fm D# Db D#
Barely people, somehow legal
Fm D# Db C
Unpaid intern
[Verse 3]
Fm D# Db C
You work all day, go back to your dorm
Fm D# Db C
And since you can't afford a mortgage, you just torrent a porn
Fm D# Db C
Cause you're an intern (Unpaid)
N.C.
Wa-da-da-wap-wa-da
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7. Bezos I
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
Dm Dm C C
[Chorus]
Dm
CEO, entrepreneur, born in 1964
C
Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos
Dm
CEO, entrepreneur, born in 1964
C
Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos
[Verse]
Dm
Come on, Jeffrey, you can do it
Dm
Pave the way, put your back into it
C
Tell us why, show us how
C
Look at where you came from
N.A#
Look at you now
Dm
Zuckerberg and Gates and Buffet
Dm
Amateurs can fucking suck it
C
Fuck their wives, drink their blood
C
Come on, Jeff, get 'em!
[Synth Solo]
Dm Dm C C
Dm Dm C C
*Scream
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8. Sexting
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
A#maj7
Sexting (Whoa)
Fmaj7
It isn't sex it's the next best thing
A#maj7
Sexting
Fmaj7
Aye, aye, AT&T
[Verse 1]
A#maj7
I am in bed I am ready to go with you
Fmaj7
Tonight I'm thinking of taking it slow
A#maj7 Fmaj7
We'll use emojis only, we don't need phonetical diction
A#maj7
We'll talk dirty like we're ancient Egyptians
[Verse 2]
Fmaj7
You send me a peach, I send a carrot back
A#maj7
You send a Ferris wheel, that's pretty abstract
Fmaj7
I send back a ticket stubtickets implying that the Ferris wheel's your body
A#maj7
And I'd really love admission to it
Fmaj7
Oh no! What if now you think that I'm implying your vagina is as big as a Ferris wheel?
A#maj7
You send back a snowman
Fmaj7
Crisis averted (Thank God)
[Chorus]
A#maj7
Sexting (Whoa)
Fmaj7
It isn't sex it's the next best thing (Next best thing)
A#maj7
Sexting
Fmaj7
Aye, aye, AT&T
[Verse 3]
A#maj7
No more emojis, now it's on to words
Fmaj7
I ask what you're wearing. You reply, "G shirt"
A#maj7
You say, "Are you naked?"
Fmaj7
I say, "Yeah, except for a top hat", you say, "lmao" but I doubt that
A#maj7
I'm getting hot at just the thought of what I'd do to you
Fmaj7
Cause in my head I'm in your bed and getting through to you
A#maj7
They made the internet for nights like these
Fmaj7
I love you, baby, send a picture of your tits, please
[Chorus]
A#maj7
Sexting (Whoa)
Fmaj7
It isn't sex is the next best thing (Next best thing)
A#maj7
Sexting
Fmaj7
We are sexting (Aye, aye, AT&T)
[Verse 4]
A#maj7
You send the pic and say it's now my turn
Fmaj7
Jesus fucking Christ I guess I never learn
A#maj7
My phone's flash is my only light and
Fmaj7
The flash makes my dick look frightened
A#maj7
I chicken out and send a picture of my face instead
Fmaj7
Because my dick looks like the baby from Eraserhead
A#maj7
You say, "I sent my titties that's not fair"
Fmaj7
So I send it to you and then my phone dies
[Outro]
Fmaj7 Am7
Another night on my own, yeah
Dm7
Stuck in my home, yeah
Fmaj7
Sitting alone, one hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah
Am7
Another night on my own, yeah
Dm7
Stuck in my home, yeah
Fmaj7
Sitting alone, one hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah
Am7
Another night on my own, yeah
Dm7
Stuck in my home, yeah
Fmaj7
Sitting alone, one hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah (Pussy)
Am7
Another night on my own, yeah (Titties)
Dm7
Stuck in my home, yeah (Balls)
N.C.
Sitting alone, one hand on my dick and one hand on my phone, yeah
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9. Look Who's Inside Again
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse 1]
C Am G F
Trying to be funny and stuck in a room
C Am G F
There isn't much more to say about it
C Am G F
Can one be funny when stuck in a room?
C Am G F
Being in, trying to get something out of it
Am E F
Try making faces
G Am
Try telling jokes
Am E F G
Making little sounds
[Verse 2]
C Am G F C
I was a kid who was stuck in his room
C Am G F
There isn't much more to say about it
C Am G F C
When you're a kid and you're stuck in your room
C Am G F
You'll do any old shit to get out of it
Am E F
Try making faces
G Am
Try telling jokes
Am E F G
Making little sounds
[Chorus]
C
Well, well
Dm
Look who's inside again
G C
Went out to look for a reason to hide again
C
Well, well
Dm G
Buddy, you found it
G Am Ab
Now come out with your hands up
G Fm
We've got you surrounded
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10. Problematic
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Capo at 3rd fret
[Intro]
Dm Dm F G
Dm Dm G A# G
[Verse 1]
Dm Dm
I grew up as your usual suburbanite
F G
G tiny town in Massachusetts, overwhelmingly white
Dm Dm
I went to church on Sundays in a suit and a tie
F G
Then spent my free time watching Family Guy
Dm Dm F
I started doing comedy when I was just a sheltered kid
G
I wrote offensive shit, and I said it:
Dm Dm G
"Father, please forgive me, for I did not realize what I did"
A# G
Or that I'd live to regret it
[Pre-Chorus]
A# F Dm
Times are changing, and I'm getting old
F
Are you gonna hold me accountable?
Dm F
My bed is empty and I'm getting cold
Dm F N.C.
Isn't anybody gonna hold me accountable? Uh
[Chorus]
Dm Dm
I'm problematic (He's a problem)
Dm G
when I was seventeen, on Halloween
Dm Dm
I dressed up as Aladdin (He's a problem)
G N.C.
I did not darken my skin, but still, it feels weird in [Solo] hindsight
[Synth Solo]
Dm Dm F G
Dm Dm G A# G
[Verse 2]
Dm Dm
I want to show you how I'm growing as a person, but first
F G
I feel I must address the lyrics from the previous verse
Dm Dm
I tried to hide behind my childhood, and that's not okay
F G
My actions are my own, I won't explain them away
Dm Dm F
I've done a lot of self-reflecting since I started singing this song
G
I was totally wrong when I said it:
Dm Dm G
"Father, please forgive me, for I did not realize what I did"
A# G
Or that I'd live to regret it
[Pre-Chorus]
A# F Dm
Times are changing and I'm getting old
Dm
Are you gonna hold me accountable?
A# F
My bed is empty and I'm getting cold
Dm Dm N.C.
Isn't anybody gonna hold me accountable? Uh
[Chorus]
Dm Dm
I'm problematic (He's a problem)
Dm G
I just remembered that Aladdin costume's
Dm Dm G A#
In my mother's attic (He's a problem) I'm gonna go home and burn it
G N.C.
Or not burn it. Is burning it bad? What should I do with it?
[Bridge]
A# F
And I've been totally awful
C Dm F/C
My closet is chock-full of stuff that is vaguely shitty
A# F
All of it was perfectly lawful
C Dm F/C
Just not very thoughtful at all and just really shitty
A# F
And I've been totally awful
C Dm F/C
My closet is chock-full of stuff that is vaguely shitty
A# F
All of it was perfectly lawful
C N.C.
Just not very thoughtful at all and just really...
[Outro]
F Dm
And I'm really fucking sorry
Am Am
Bitch, I'm trying to listen, shit, I’ve been complicit
F Dm
Sorry
Am Am
If I'm gonna catch up, first, I gotta fess up
F Dm Am Am
Sorry
F Dm Am Am
Sorry
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11. 30
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
D#
[Verse 1]
D#
I used to run for miles, I used to ride my bike
D# Fm
I used to wake up with a smile and go to bed at night with a dream, ah
D#
But now I'm turning 30, no!
[Verse 2]
D#
I used to be the young one, got used to meeting people
D# Fm
Who were used to meeting someone who was born in 1990, no way! (Yeah, I was born in 1990)
D#
Now I'm turning 30, God, God damn it
[Chorus]
D#
I'm (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
Fm
Turning (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
Db
Thirty (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
D#
I'm turning 30 (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
[Verse 3]
D#
When he was 27, my granddad fought in Vietnam
D# Fm
When I was 27, I built a birdhouse with my mom, oh fuck
D#
How am I 30?
[Verse 4]
D#
I used to make fun of the boomers in retrospect, a bit too much
D#
Now all these fucking zoomers are telling me that I'm out of touch
Fm
(Oh yeah? Well, your fucking phones are poisoning your minds. Okay?
D#
So when you develop a dissociative mental disorder in your late twenties don't come crawling back to me)
[Chorus]
D#
I'm (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
Fm
Turning (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
Db
Thirty (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
D#
I'm turning 30 (Turning 30, turning 30, turning 30, turning 30)
[Bridge]
D#
And now my stupid friends are having stupid children
Cm
My stupid friends are having stupid children
Db
My stupid friends are having stupid children
D#
My stupid friends are having stupid children
D#
And now my stupid friends are having stupid children
Cm
My stupid friends are having stupid children
Db
My stupid friends are having stupid children
D#
Stupid, fucking ugly, boring children
[Outro]
Gm
It's 2020, and I'm 30
Cm
I'll do another ten
Ab D#
2030 I'll be 40 and kill myself then
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
12. Don't Wanna Know
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse 1]
D#
How are you feeling?
F7
Do you like the show?
Cm
Are you tired of it?
Ab7 A#sus4
Never mind, I don’t wanna know
D#
Are you finding it boring?
F7 Cm
Too fast? Too slow?
Ab7
I’m asking, but don’t answer
A#sus4
‘Cause I don’t wanna know
[Verse 2]
D#
Do I have your attention?
F7 Cm
Yes, or no?
Ab7
I bet I’d guess the answer
A#sus4
But I don’t wanna know
D#
Gm I on in the background?
F7 Cm
Are you on your phone?
Ab7
I’d ask you what you’re watching
A#sus4
But I don’t wanna know
[Verse 3]
D#
Is there anyone out there?
F7 Cm
Or am I all alone?
Ab7
It wouldn’t make a difference
A#sus4
Still I don’t wanna know
D#
I thought it’d be over by now
F7 Cm
But I got a while to go
Ab7
I’d give away the ending
A#sus4
But you don’t wanna know
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
13. Shit
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Capo at 3rd fret
[Intro]
N.C.
How we feelin' out there tonight? Ha ha ha, Yeeeah, I am not feeling good
[Verse 1]
G7
Wake up at 11:30
G7
Feelin' like a bag of shit (Oh no!)
G7
All my clothes are dirty
G7
So I'm smelling like a bag of shit
G7
Go to pour my coffee and I miss my cup
G7
OMG, that is just my luck
G7
Look in the mirror, say "What's up
N.C.
You useless fuck?"
[Pre-Chorus]
G7
Are you feeling what I'm feeling?
G7
I haven't had a shower in the last nine days (Ah)
G7
Staring at the ceiling
G7
And waiting for this feeling to go away but it won't go away
N.C.
I'm not really feeling like I wanna get lit (Tell us how you're feelin')
[Chorus]
G7 A#
Well, I feel like shit (Oh, shit)
C D G7 A#
Feeling like a saggy, massive sack of shit (Oh, shit)
C D G7 A#
Big 'ol motherfucking duffel bag of shit (Oh, shit)
C D
All day, all shit
[Bridge]
G7 A#
I'm not really feeling like I wanna get lit
C
(Tell us how you're feelin')
N.C.
I'm feeling like shit
[Outro]
G7
Ladies (Yeah?), do you feel like shit?
C7
Tell me do you feel like shit? (Oh, yеah)
G7
Fellas (Huh?), are you feeling like shit?
C7
Tеll me, are you feeling like shit? (Oh, yeah)
G7
Ladies (Yeah?), do you feel like shit?
C7
Tell me do you feel like shit? (Oh, yeah)
G7
Fellas (Huh?), are you feeling like shit?
C7
Tell me, are you feelin' like shit? (Oh, yeah)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
14. All Time Low
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse]
Cm7 Fm
Feeling in my body
A# D#
Way down deep inside me
Cm Fm
I try not to fight it
A# D#
(Describe it!) All right
Cm7 Fm
G few things start to happen
A# D#
My vision start to flatten
Cm Fm
My heart, it gets to tappin'
A# D#
And I think I'm gonna die
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15. Welcome to the Internet
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse 1]
Cm
Welcome to the internet. Have a look around.
Fm
Anything that brain of yours can think of can be found.
D#
We've got mountains of content. Some better, some worse.
G7
If none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first.
[Verse 2]
Cm
Welcome to the internet. Come and take a seat.
Fm
Would you like to see the news or any famous women's feet.
D#
There's no need to panic. This isn't a test (huh huh).
G7
Just nod or shake your head and we'll do the rest.
[Verse 3]
Cm
Welcome to the internet. What would you prefer.
Fm
Would you like to fight for civil rights or tweet a racial slur.
D#
Be happy. Be horny. Be bursting with rage.
G7
We got a million different ways to engage
[Verse 4]
Cm
Welcome to the internet. Put your cares aside.
Fm
Here's a tip for straining pasta. Here's a nine-year-old who died.
D#
We got movies, and doctors, and fantasy sports.
G7
And a bunch of colored pencil drawings of all the characters of harry potter fuckin
Cm
eachother.
[Verse 5]
Cm
Welcome to the internet. Hold on to your socks.
Fm
'cause a random guy just kindly sent you photos of his cock.
D#
They are grainy and off-putting. He just sent you more.
G7
Dont act surprised. You know you like it, you whore.
[Verse 6]
Cm
See a man beheaded. Get offended, see a shrink.
Fm
Show us pictures of your children. Tell us every thought you think.
D#
Start a rumor, buy a broom or send a death threat to a boomer.
G7
Or CM a girl and groom her. Do a Zoom or find a tumor in your-
[Verse 7]
Cm
Here's a healthy breakfast option. You should kill your mom.
Fm
Here's why women never fuck you. Here's how you can build a bomb.
D#
Which Power Ranger are you? Take this quirky quiz.
G7 G7 Fm D# D Cm
Obama sent the immigrants. To vac- cin- ate- your- kids.
[Chorus]
Cm
Could I interest you in everything, all of the time?
Fm
G little bit of everything. All of the time.
D#
Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime.
A7*
Anything and everything. All of the time.
Cm
Could I interest you in everything, all of the time?
Fm
G little bit of everything. All of the time.
D#
Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime.
A7*
Anything and everything. All of the time.
[Interlude]
Cm A# Ab G7
[Verse 8]
Cm A# Ab G7
You know, it wasn't always like this
Cm A#
Not very long ago
Ab G7
Just before your time
Cm A#
Right before the towers fell
Ab G7
Circa '99
[Verse 9]
Fm
This was catalogues
D#
Travel blogs
G7 Cm
G chat room or two
Fm D#
We set our sights and spent our nights
G7 A#7
Waiting
[2nd Chorus]
D#maj7
For you
Cm7
You
Ab A#
Insatiable you
D#maj7 Cm7
Mommy let you use her iPad
Ab A#
You were barely two
Cm C#dim
And it did all the things
A# Ab
We designed it to do
[Bridge]
Ab
Now look at you
A#
Oh, look at you
C
You
[2nd Chorus]
Fmaj7 Dm7
You
A# C
Unstoppable, watchable
Fmaj7 Dm7
Your time is now. Your inside's out.
A# C
Honey, how you grew
Dm7 Ebdim
And if we stick together
C A#
Who knows what we'll do
A# C
It was always the plan
Ebdim Em7
To put the world in your hand
Dm Dm/A Dm Dm/A Dm Dm/A Dm Dm/A
[laughing]
[Chorus]
Dm
Could I interest you in everything, all of the time?
Gm
G little bit of everything. All of the time.
F
Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime.
B7*
Anything and everything. All of the time.
Dm
Could I interest you in everything, all of the time?
Gm
G little bit of everything. All of the time.
F
Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime.
A7
Anything and everything
A7
And anything and everything
A7
And anything and everything
B7* Em* (as hard as you possibly can!)
And all of the time
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16. Bezos II
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
D#m
Jeffrey Bezos
Db
Jeffrey Bezos
Ab
Jeffrey Bezos
Gb Db
Ugh!
D#m
Jeffrey Bezos
Db
Jeffrey Bezos
Ab
Jeffrey Bezos
Gb Db
You did it!
D#m
Jeffrey Bezos
Db
Jeffrey Bezos
Ab
Jeffrey Bezos
Gb Db
Congratulations!
D#m
Jeffrey Bezos
Db
Jeffrey Bezos
Ab
Jeffrey Bezos
Gb Db
Ah!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
17. That Funny Feeling
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Capo at 2nd fret
[Intro]
C
[Verse 1]
C F C
Stunning 8K resolution meditation app
C F C
In honour of the revolution it’s half off at the Gap
Dm G Am F
Deadpool's self awareness, loving parents, harmless fun
Dm G Am F
The backlash to the backlash to the thing that’s just begun
[Chorus]
C Dm
There it is again, that funny feeling
Am F
That funny feeling
C Dm
There it is again, that funny feeling
Am F
That funny feeling
[Verse 2]
C F C
The surgeon general’s pop-up shop, Robert Iger’s face
C F C
Discount Etsy agitprop, Bugle’s take on race
Dm G Am F
Female Colonel Sanders, easy answers, civil war
Dm G Am F
The whole world at your fingertips, the ocean at your door
C F C
The live-action Lion King, the Pеpsi halftime show
C F C
Twenty thousand years of this, sеven more to go
Dm G Am F
Carpool Karaoke, Steve Aoki, Logan Paul
Dm G Am F
G gift shop at the gun range, a mass shooting at the mall
[Chorus]
C Dm
There it is again, that funny feeling
Am F
That funny feeling
C Dm
There it is again, that funny feeling
Am F
That funny feeling
[Verse 3]
C F C
Reading Pornhub’s terms of service, going for a drive
C F C
And obeying all the traffic laws in Grand Theft Auto V
Dm G Am F
Full agoraphobic, losing focus, cover blown
Dm G Am F
G book on getting better hand-delivered by a drone
C F C
Total disassociation, fully out your mind
C F C
Googling “derealisation”, hating what you find
Dm G Am F
That unapparent summer air in early fall
Dm G Am F
The quiet comprehending of the ending of it all
[Chorus]
C Dm
There it is again, that funny feeling
Am F
That funny feeling
C Dm
There it is again, that funny feeling
Am F
That funny feeling
[Bridge]
C
Hey, what can ya say?
Dm
We were overdue
A#
But it’ll be over soon
F
You wait
C
Hey, what can ya say?
Dm
We were overdue
A#
But it’ll be over soon
F
just wait (bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh)
C
Hey, what can ya say?
Dm
We were overdue
A#
But it’ll be over soon
F
You wait (bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh)
C
Hey, what can ya say?
Dm
We were overdue
A#
But it’ll be over soon
F
You wait (bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-DUH, bah-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
18. All Eyes On Me
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
A#
*crowd applause*
F C Dm A#
Thank you very much. Thank you! You guys have been incredible. Thank you.
F C Dm A#
I couldn't have done it without you guys.
F C Dm A#
I couldn't, really, I... This last year has been... you know there have been times that
F C Dm A#
um... but just knowing that you're here, you know, feeling you here with me,
F C Dm A#
um... yeah thank you.
F C Dm A#
You know I hate to ask because ahhh you have given me so much,
F C Dm A#
but... I need you to do one more thing for me.
F C Dm
Can you do that?
[Chorus 1]
A#
Put your fucking hands up
F C
Get on out of your seats
Dm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
A#
Get your fucking hands up
F C
Get on out of your seats
Dm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
[Verse 1]
A# F
Are you feeling nervous?
C
Are you having fun?
Dm A#
It's almost over, it's just begun
F
Don't overthink this, look in my eye
C
Don't be scared, don't be shy
Dm A#
Come on in, the water's fine
[Pre-Chorus]
F C
We're going to go where everybody knows
Dm A#
Everybody knows, everybody oh
F C
We're going to go where everybody knows
Dm
Everybody knows...
[Chorus 1]
A#
Get your fucking hands up
F C
Get on out of your seat
Dm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me, hey yo,
A#
Get your fucking hands up
F C
Get on out of your seat
Dm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
[Chorus 2]
A# F
Hands down, pray for me
C Dm
Heads down now, pray for me
A#
Get your fucking hand up
F C
Get on out of your seat
Dm A#
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
[Bridge 1]
F C Dm A#
You wanna hear a funny story? So uh five years ago,
F C Dm A#
I quit performing live comedy because I began to have
F C Dm A#
severe panic attacks, while on stage, which is not a great place to have them
F C Dm A#
So I, I quit. And I didn't perform for five years, I spent that time
F C Dm A#
trying to improve myself mentally. And you know what? I did. I got better.
F C Dm A#
I got so much better, in fact, that in January of
F C Dm A#
2020, I thought, "You know what? I should
F C Dm A#
start performing again. I've been hiding from the world
F C Dm A#
and I need to... re-enter.
F C Dm A#
And then, the funniest thing happened
[Verse 1]
A# F
Are you feeling nervous?
C
Are you having fun?
Dm A#
It's almost over, it's just begun
F
Don't overthink this, look in my eye
C
Don't be scared, don't be shy
Dm
Come on in, the water's fine
[Verse 2]
A# F
You say the ocean's rising
C
Like I give a shit
Dm
You say the whole world's ending
A#
Honey, it already did
F
You're not gonna slow it
C
Heaven knows you tried
Dm A#
Got it? Good, now get inside
[Pre-Chorus]
F C
We're going to go where everybody knows
Dm A#
Everybody knows, everybody oh
F C
We're going to go where everybody knows
Dm
Everybody knows...
[Final Chorus]
A#
Get your fucking hands up
F C
Get on out of your seat
Dm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
A#
Get your fucking hands up
F C
Get on out of your seat
Dm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
A# F
Hands down, pray for me
C Dm
Heads down now, pray for me
A#
I said get your fucking hands up
F C
Get up! Get up!
Dm
I'm talking to you, get the fuck up!
A#
Get your fucking hands up
F C
Get on out of your seat
Dm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
A#
Hey, fucking, get your fucking hands up
F C
Get on out of your seat
Dm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
A# F
Come on, heads down, pray for me
C Dm
Heads down now, pray for me
A# F
I said get your fucking hands up
Get...Haha!
C Dm
All eyes on me, all eyes on me
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
19. Goodbye
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Intro]
F F F F
[Verse 1]
F
So long
A7
Goodbye
Dm C
I'll see you when I see you
A#
You can pick the street
A#m F A7 Dm
I'll meet you on the other side
[Verse 2]
C/E F
So long
A7
Goodbye
Dm C
Do I really have to finish?
A# A#m
Do returns always diminish?
F A7 Dm
Did I say that right?
[Chorus]
F G#dim Gm Dm
Does anybody want to joke
D# A# C
When no one's laughing in the background?
F Cm7 D# A# Ab
So this is how it ends
F Cm7 Ab Db A# F
I promise to never go outside again
[Verse 3]
F Fsus4 F
So long
A7
Bye!
Dm C A# A#m
I'm slowly losing power, has it only been an hour?
F A7 Dm
No, that can't be right
[Verse 4]
C/E F Fsus4 F
So long
A7 A A7
Goodbye
Dm C
Hey, here's a fun idea
A# A#m F A7 Dm
How about I sit on the couch and I watch you next time?
[Chorus]
F G#dim Gm Dm
I wanna hear you tell a joke
D# A# C
When no one's laughing in the background?
F Cm7 D# A# Ab
So this is how it ends
F Cm7 Ab Db A#
I promise to never go outside again
[Bridge]
Dm Gm
Gm I going crazy?
C
Would I even know?
F Ebdim
Gm I right back where I started 14 years ago?
Dm Gm
Wanna guess the ending?
C F Ebdim
If it ever does, I swear to God that all I've ever wanted was:
Dm Dm7
G little bit of everything all of the time
Gm/A# C
G bit of everything all of the time
F
Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime
F#dim
I'm finished playing and I'm staying inside
A# F C
If I wake up in a house that's full of smoke
Dm C
I'll panic, so call me up and tell me a joke
A# F C
When I'm fully irrelevant and totally broken, damn it
Dm Am A#
Call me up and tell me a joke
F
Oh shit
A7 Dm C
You're really joking at a time like this?
[Outro]
F
Well, well
Gm
Look who's inside again?
C Dm C
Went out to look for a reason to hide again
F
Well, well
Gm C
Buddy, you found it
Dbaug Dm Dbaug
Now come out with your hands up
A#add9 Cm F
We've got you surrounded
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
20. Any Day Now
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Verse]
Ab A#m7 Cm Db D#7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
Ab A#m7 Cm Db D#7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
Ab A#m7 Cm Db D#7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
Ab A#m7 Cm Db D#7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
Ab A#m7 Cm Db D#7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
Ab A#m7 Cm Db D#7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
Ab A#m7 Cm Db D#7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
Ab A#m7 Cm Db D#7
It'll stop any day now (any day now, any day now)
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