Intro
G C D C G
[Verse 1]
G C
In the laid back California town of sunny San Raphael
D C G
Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake you probably knew her well
G C
She'd been stoned fifteen of her eighteen years and the story was widely told
D C G
That she could smoke 'em faster than anyone could roll
[Verse 2]
G C
Her legend finally reached New York that Grove Street walk-up flat
D C G
Where dwelt The Calistoga Kid a beatnik from the past
G C
With long browned lightnin' fingers he takes a cultured toke
D C G
And says "Hell I can roll 'em faster, Jim, than any chick can smoke"
[Verse 3]
G C
So a note gets sent to San Raphael for the Championship of the World
D C G
The Kid demands a smoke off "Well bring him on! Says Pearl
G C
"I'll grind his fingers off his hands he'll roll until he drops"
D C G
Says Calistog "I'll smoke that chick till she blows up and pops"
[Verse 4]
G C
So they rent out Yankee Stadium and the word is quickly spread
D C G
Come one come all who walk or crawl price just two lids a head
G C
So from every town and hamlet over land and sea they speed
D C G
The world's greatest dopers with the Worlds greatest weed
[Verse 5]
G C
Hashishers from Morocco, hemp smokers from Peru
D C G
And the Shamnicks from Bagun who puff the deadly Pugaroo
G D G
And those who call it Light of Life and those that call it boo
[Interlude]
G C D C G
[Verse 6]
G C
See the dealers and their ladies wearing turquoise lace and leather
D C G
See the narcos and the closet smokers puffin all together
G C
From the teenies who smoke legal to the ones who've done some time
D C G
To the old man who smoked reefer back before it was a crime
[Verse 7]
G C
And the grand old house that Ruth built is filled with the smoke and cries
D C G
Of fifty thousand screaming heads all stoned out of their minds
G C
And they play the national anthem and the crowd lets out a roar
D C G
As the spotlight hits The Kid and Pearl ready for their smokin' war
[Verse 8]
G C
At a table piled up high with grass as high as a mountain peak
D C G
Just tops and buds of the rarest flowers not one stem, branch or seed
G C
Maui Wowie Panama Red and Acapulco Gold
D C G
Kif from East Afghanistan and rare Alaskan Cold
[Verse 9]
G C
Sticks from Thailand Ganja from the Islands and Bangkok's Bloomin' Best
D C G
And some of that wet imported shit that capsized off Key West
G C
Oaxacan tops and Kenya Bhang and Riviera Fleurs
D C G
And that rare Manhatten Silver that grows down in the New York sewers
[Verse 10]
G C
And there's bubblin' ice cold lemonade and sweet grapes by the bunches
D C G
And there's Hersheys bars and Oreos incase anybody gets the munchies
G C
And the Calistoga Kid he sneers and Pearley she just grins
D G
And the drums roll low and the crowd yells go and the worlds first Smoke Off begins
[Interlude]
G C D C G
[Verse 11]
G C
Kid flicks his magic fingers once and zap that first joints rolled
D C G
Pearl takes one drag with her mighty lungs and woosh that roach is cold
G C
Then The Kid he rolls his Super Bomb that'd paralyze a moose
D C G
And Pearly takes one super hit and slurp that bomb's defused
[Verse 12]
G C
Then he rolls three in just ten seconds and she smokes 'em up in nine
D C G
And everybody sits back and says "this just might take some time"
G C
See the blur of flyin fingers see the red coal burnin bright
D C G
As the night turns into mornin and the mornin fades to night
[Verse 13]
G C
And the autumn turns to summer and a whole damn year is gone
D C G
But the two still sit on that roach-filled stage smokin' and rollin' on
G C
With tremblin hands he rolls his jays with fingers blue and stiff
D G
She coughs and stares with bloodshot gaze and puffs through blistered lips
[Interlude]
G C D C G
[Verse 14]
G C
And as she reaches out her hand for another stick of gold
D C G
The Kid he gasps "Goddamn it, bitch! There's nothin' left to roll!"
G C
"Nothin left to roll?!" screams Pearl, "Is this some twisted joke?
D C G
I didn't come here to fuck around man I come here to smoke"
[Verse 15]
G C
And she reaches cross the table and grabs his bony sleeves
D C G
And she crumbles his body between her hands like dried and brittle leaves
G C
Flickin' out his teeth and bones like useless stems and seeds
D C G
And then she rolls him in a Zig Zag and lights him like a roach
G D G
And the fastest man with the fastest hands goes up in a puff of smoke
[Interlude]
G C D C G
[Verse 16]
G C
In the laid-back California town of sunny San Raphael
D C G
Lives a girl named Pearly Sweetcake you probly know her well
G C
She's been stoned twenty-one of her twenty-four years and the storys widely told
D C G
How she still can smoke 'em faster than anyone can roll
[Verse 17]
G C
While off in New York City on a street that has no name
D C G
There's the hands of the Calistoga Kid in the Viper Hall of Fame
G C
And underneath his fingers there's a little golden scroll
D C G
That says "Beware of Bein' the Roller When There's Nothin' Left to Roll"
[Outro]
G C D C D7