Intro
D G A G D
[Verse 1]
D G
In the laid back California town of sunny San Raphael
A G D
Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake you probably knew her well
D G
She'd been stoned fifteen of her eighteen years and the story was widely told
A G D
That she could smoke 'em faster than anyone could roll
[Verse 2]
D G
Her legend finally reached New York that Grove Street walk-up flat
A G D
Where dwelt The Calistoga Kid a beatnik from the past
D G
With long browned lightnin' fingers he takes a cultured toke
A G D
And says "Hell I can roll 'em faster, Jim, than any chick can smoke"
[Verse 3]
D G
So a note gets sent to San Raphael for the Championship of the World
A G D
The Kid demands a smoke off "Well bring him on! Says Pearl
D G
"I'll grind his fingers off his hands he'll roll until he drops"
A G D
Says Calistog "I'll smoke that chick till she blows up and pops"
[Verse 4]
D G
So they rent out Yankee Stadium and the word is quickly spread
A G D
Come one come all who walk or crawl price just two lids a head
D G
So from every town and hamlet over land and sea they speed
A G D
The world's greatest dopers with the Worlds greatest weed
[Verse 5]
D G
Hashishers from Morocco, hemp smokers from Peru
A G D
And the Shamnicks from Bagun who puff the deadly Pugaroo
D A D
And those who call it Light of Life and those that call it boo
[Interlude]
D G A G D
[Verse 6]
D G
See the dealers and their ladies wearing turquoise lace and leather
A G D
See the narcos and the closet smokers puffin all together
D G
From the teenies who smoke legal to the ones who've done some time
A G D
To the old man who smoked reefer back before it was a crime
[Verse 7]
D G
And the grand old house that Ruth built is filled with the smoke and cries
A G D
Of fifty thousand screaming heads all stoned out of their minds
D G
And they play the national anthem and the crowd lets out a roar
A G D
As the spotlight hits The Kid and Pearl ready for their smokin' war
[Verse 8]
D G
At a table piled up high with grass as high as a mountain peak
A G D
Just tops and buds of the rarest flowers not one stem, branch or seed
D G
Maui Wowie Panama Red and Acapulco Gold
A G D
Kif from East Afghanistan and rare Alaskan Cold
[Verse 9]
D G
Sticks from Thailand Ganja from the Islands and Bangkok's Bloomin' Best
A G D
And some of that wet imported shit that capsized off Key West
D G
Oaxacan tops and Kenya Bhang and Riviera Fleurs
A G D
And that rare Manhatten Silver that grows down in the New York sewers
[Verse 10]
D G
And there's bubblin' ice cold lemonade and sweet grapes by the bunches
A G D
And there's Hersheys bars and Oreos incase anybody gets the munchies
D G
And the Calistoga Kid he sneers and Pearley she just grins
A D
And the drums roll low and the crowd yells go and the worlds first Smoke Off begins
[Interlude]
D G A G D
[Verse 11]
D G
Kid flicks his magic fingers once and zap that first joints rolled
A G D
Pearl takes one drag with her mighty lungs and woosh that roach is cold
D G
Then The Kid he rolls his Super Bomb that'd paralyze a moose
A G D
And Pearly takes one super hit and slurp that bomb's defused
[Verse 12]
D G
Then he rolls three in just ten seconds and she smokes 'em up in nine
A G D
And everybody sits back and says "this just might take some time"
D G
See the blur of flyin fingers see the red coal burnin bright
A G D
As the night turns into mornin and the mornin fades to night
[Verse 13]
D G
And the autumn turns to summer and a whole damn year is gone
A G D
But the two still sit on that roach-filled stage smokin' and rollin' on
D G
With tremblin hands he rolls his jays with fingers blue and stiff
A D
She coughs and stares with bloodshot gaze and puffs through blistered lips
[Interlude]
D G A G D
[Verse 14]
D G
And as she reaches out her hand for another stick of gold
A G D
The Kid he gasps "Goddamn it, bitch! There's nothin' left to roll!"
D G
"Nothin left to roll?!" screams Pearl, "Is this some twisted joke?
A G D
I didn't come here to fuck around man I come here to smoke"
[Verse 15]
D G
And she reaches cross the table and grabs his bony sleeves
A G D
And she crumbles his body between her hands like dried and brittle leaves
D G
Flickin' out his teeth and bones like useless stems and seeds
A G D
And then she rolls him in a Zig Zag and lights him like a roach
D A D
And the fastest man with the fastest hands goes up in a puff of smoke
[Interlude]
D G A G D
[Verse 16]
D G
In the laid-back California town of sunny San Raphael
A G D
Lives a girl named Pearly Sweetcake you probly know her well
D G
She's been stoned twenty-one of her twenty-four years and the storys widely told
A G D
How she still can smoke 'em faster than anyone can roll
[Verse 17]
D G
While off in New York City on a street that has no name
A G D
There's the hands of the Calistoga Kid in the Viper Hall of Fame
D G
And underneath his fingers there's a little golden scroll
A G D
That says "Beware of Bein' the Roller When There's Nothin' Left to Roll"
[Outro]
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