[Eminem]
D# lot of people ask me.. stupid fucking questions
D# lot of people think that.. what I say on records
or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life
or that I believe in it
Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that..
I'm actually gonna do it
or that I believe in it
Well, shit.. if you believe that
then I'll kill you
You know why?
Cause I'm a
A#m C#dim
CRIMINAL
F#
CRIMINAL
A#m
You god damn right
A#m C#dim
I'm a CRIMINAL
F# A#m
Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL
[Eminem]
A#m
My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
C#dim
That'll stab you in the head
whether you're a fag or lez
F#
Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
A#m
Pants or dress - hate fags? The answer's "yes"
Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
C#dim
Staring at my jeans, watching my genitals bulging (Ooh!)
F#
That's my motherfucking balls, you'd better let go of em
A#m
They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of em
Hey, it's me, Versace
Whoops, somebody shot me!
C#dim
And I was just checking the mail
Get it? Checking the 'male'?
F#
How many records you expecting to sell
A#m
after your second LP sends you directly to jail?
C'mon!-- Relax guy, I like gay men
C#dim
Right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!)
F#
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
A#m
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
C#dim
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital
F#
Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher
A#m
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a goddamn thing cause
C#dim
I watch TV, and Comcast cable
F#
and you ain't able to stop these thoughts
A#m
You can't stop me from topping these charts
And you can't stop me from dropping each March
C#dim
with a brand new F#D for these fucking retards
F#
Duhhh, and to think, it's just little ol' me
A#m
Mr. "Don't Give D# Fuck," still won't leave
[Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)]
A#m
I'm a CRIMINAL
C#dim
Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime
F#
to tell em what's on my mind - I guess I'm a CRIMINAL
A#m
but I don't gotta say a word, I just flip em the bird
and keep going, I don't take shit from no one
[Eminem]
A#m
My mother did drugs - hard-liquor, cigarettes, and speed
C#dim
The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed
F#
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
A#m
Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me
I'm a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazed
C#dim
But how the fuck you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised?
F#
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
A#m
My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
I drink more liquor to fuck you up quicker
C#dim
than you'd wanna fuck me up for saying the word ...
F#
My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral
A#m
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk
Off of his own employee
Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
C#dim
You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired
and my nose is pointy
F#
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
A#m
in plane crashes and laughs
As long as it ain't happened to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as A#m
C#dim
-inem and Kim combined - [*kch*] the maniac's in
F#
Replacing the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today
A#m
He's a little under the weather, so I'm taking his place
(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
C#dim
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
F#
I told you Dre, you should've kept that thang put away
A#m
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?
I'm a CRIMINAL
(Just play the chords while they interlude)
[Interlude Skit]
Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherfucker
get the motherfucking money and get the fuck up outta there
[Eminem] Aight
I'll be right here waiting on you
[Eminem] Aight
Yo A#m
[Eminem] What?!
Don't kill nobody this time
[Eminem] Awwright... god damn, fuck...
(whistling) how you doin'?
[Teller] HI, how can I help you?
[Eminem] Yeah I need to make a withdrawl
[Teller] Okay
[Eminem] Put the fucking money in the bag bitch
and I won't kill you!
[Teller] What? Oh my god, don't kill me
[Eminem] I'm not gonna kill you bitch, quit looking around...
[Teller] Don't kill me, please don't kill me...
[Eminem] I said I'm not gonna fucking kill you
Hurry the fuck up! [*BOOM*] Thank you!
[Eminem]
A#m
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
C#dim
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
F#
So I'll be disguised in it
A#m
And if anybody identifies the guy in it
I'll hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
C#dim
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
F#
Die, bitches, bastards, brats, pets
A#m
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet [*dog whines*]
If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts
C#dim
tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck
F#
You motherfucking chickens ain't brave enough
A#m
to say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut [*tape unrolls*]
Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
C#dim
To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass
F#
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
A#m
I'ma be a fucking rapist in a Jason mask
Chorus * 2