Intro
C# G#7 C# F#/C# C# F#/C# C# F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
[Verse 1]
D7sus
Well, I took me a woman late last night
C# F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
I was three-fourths drunk, she looked alright
D7sus
'Til she started peelin' off her onion-gook
C# F#/C# C#
She took off her wig, an' said, "How do I look?"
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
I was high-flyin'
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Bare-naked
F#/C# C# G#7 F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Out the window
[Verse 2]
D7sus
Well, sometimes I might get drunk
F#/C# C#
Walk like a duck and smell like a skunk
D7sus
Don't hurt me none, it don't hurt my pride
C# F#/C# C#
'Cause I got my little lady right by my side
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
She's-a tryin' to hide
F#/C# C# D7sus F#/C# C# F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Pretendin' she don't know me
[Verse 3]
D7sus
I's out there paintin' on the old woodshed
C# F#/C# C#
When a can of black paint it fell on my head
D7sus
I went down to scrub and rub
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
But I had to sit in back of the tub
F#/C# C# D7sus
Cost a quarter
F#/C# C# F#/C# C# F#/C#
Half-price
[Verse 4]
D7sus
Well, my telephone rang, it would not stop
C# F#/C# C#
It's President Kennedy callin' me up
D7sus
He said, "My friend Bob, what do we need to make the country grow?"
C# F#/C# C#
I said, "My friend John, Brigitte Bardot
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Anita Ekberg
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Sophia Loren
F#/C# C# G#7 F#/C# C# F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Country-O-Grow"
[Verse 5]
D7sus
Well, I got a woman four feet short
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
She yells and hollers and screams and snorts
D7sus
She tickles my nose pats me on the head
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Rolls me over and kicks me outta bed
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
She's a man-eater
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Meat-grinder
D7sus F#/C# C# F#/C# C# F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Bad loser
[Verse 6]
D7sus
Oh, there ain't no use in me workin' all the time
F#/C# C#
I got a woman who works herself blind
D7sus
Works up to her britches, up to her neck
F#/C# C#
Writes me letters and sends me checks
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
She's a humdinger
F#/C# C# D7sus F#/C# C# F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Folk singer
[Verse 7]
D7sus
Late one day in the middle of the week
F#/C# C#
Eyes were closed, I was half asleep
D7sus
I chased me a woman up the hill
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Right in the middle of an air raid drill
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
I jumped the fallout shelter
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
I jumped the string-bean
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
I jumped the TV dinner
F#/C# C# D7sus F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
I jumped the shotgun
[Verse 8]
D7sus
Now, the man on the stand, he wants my vote
F#/C# C#
He's a-runnin' for office on a ballot note
D7sus
He's out there preachin' in front of the steeple
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Tellin' me he loves all kinds of people
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
He's eatin' bagels
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
He's eatin' pizza
F#/C# C# G#7 F#/C# C# F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
He's eatin' chitlins
[Verse 9]
D7sus
Oh, I set me down on the television floor
F#/C# C#
I flipped the channel on to number four
D7sus
Out of the shower comes a football man
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
With a bottle of oil in his hand
F#/C# C# F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Greasy kid stuff
D7sus
But what I want to know, Mr. Football Man
F#/C# C# F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Is what do you do about Willy Mays?
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Martin Luther King?
F#/C# D7sus F#/C# C# F#/C# C# F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Oula Tunjee?
[Verse 10]
D7sus
Well, the funniest woman I ever seen
C# F#/C# C#
Was the great-granddaughter of Mr. Clean
D7sus
She takes about fifteen baths a day
F#/C# C#
Wants me to grow a mustache on my face
F#/C# C# F#/C# D7sus F#/C# C# F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
She's insane
[Verse 11]
D7sus
Well, ya ask me why I'm drunk all the time
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
It levels my head and eases my mind
D7sus
I just walk along and stroll and sing
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
I'll see better days and I'll do better things
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
I'll catch dinosaurs
F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Make love to Elizabeth Taylor
F#/C# C# F#/C# C# F#/C# D7sus F#/C# C# F#/C# C#
Catch hell from Richard Burton