Intro
A# Dm/A Gm D# x2
A#
Can I say my shit?
Dm/A
New York, Can I say my shit?
Gm
I've got lots of shit to say
D#
I've got lots of shit to say (Ooh)
(Spoken)
A#
I can't fit my hand inside a Pringle can. I have a huge amount of trouble
Dm/A
Fitting my hand inside of a Pringle can, I can get my hand like four inches into the can
Gm
But then I have to tilt the can into my mouth
Gm
But then a bunch of crumbs have accumulated at the bottom of the can
D#
So they all go spilling onto my face
A#
What I'm trying to say is the diameter of Pringle cans is way too small
A#
I'll say it again
Dm/A
The diameter of Pringle cans is way too small. Two radiuses of a Pringle can is way too small
Gm
If you feel me, put your hands up Come on!
Gm
If you feel me, put your hands up
D#
Look at all these hands that are way too big to fit inside of Pringle cans
A#
Your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can. Your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can
Dm/A
You think you can, I know you can't, you think you can
(Spoken)
Dm/A
Pringles!
Gm
Listen to the people, I am sure ninety percent of the complaint letters you get
Gm
Are about the width of your cans
D#
Just make them wider. I've overdone the Pringles thing, sorry
A#
I want to have a daughter
A#
Want to have a daughter
(Spoken)
Dm/A
So I can finally have someone around the house who can fit their hands in the Pringle can
Gm
Yes, I'm still on the Pringle cans thing! Yeah! I'll move on, alright?
D#
But that is priority número uno
A#
I don't go to the gym because I'm self-conscious about my body
Dm/A
But I'm self-conscious about my body cause I don't go to the gym
Gm
Irony can be so painful
D#
That's a Catch-22 (Ooh!) Let's do this!
A#
I went to Chipotle
A#
When at Chipotle
Dm/A
Got myself a chicken burrito
(Spoken)
Gm
I went down the line and I got all these ingredients and at the end of the line
D#
The guy tried to wrap the burrito, but half of the shit inside the burrito spilled out
D#
He still wrapped it
D#
I was like, dude you should have warned me!
A#
You're a burrito expert You should have told me halfway through!
Dm/A
"Hey, man. You might be reaching maximum burrito capacity here"
Dm/A
Do you think I want a messy burrito?
Dm/A
No one wants a messy burrito
Gm
The whole appeal of the burrito is that all of the ingredients are contained
Gm
Within the confines of the tortilla
D#
I wouldn't have gotten half of the shit if I knew it wasn't gonna fit in the burrito! Alright? Look
A#
I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit
A#
I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit
Dm/A
I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew it wouldn't fit
Dm/A
I wouldn't have got - Half of it
Gm
Like, I'm okay with small mistakes
D#
If you've got no more chicken, I'll take pork
F A#
But I'll blow my dad before I eat a burrito with a fork
A#
I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit
Dm/A
I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit
Dm/A
I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit. Man, I wouldn't have got half of it, like
Gm
Half of it, like
Gm
Half of it, like
Gm
Half of it, like
Gm D#
Half of it right now
D#
I think it's time I
D#
Think it's time, I think that we break it down
[Short Interlude]
A# Dm/A Gm D#
(Spoken)
A#
I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are
Dm/A
Pringle cans, and burritos
Gm
The truth is, my biggest problem's you
Gm
I want to please you
Gm
But I want to stay true to myself
D#
I want to give you the night out that you deserve
D#
But I want to say what I think
D#
And not care what you think about it
A#
Part of me loves you
A#
Part of me hates you
Dm/A
Part of me needs you
Dm/A
Part of me fears you
Gm
And I don't think that I can handle this right now
Gm D#
Handle this right now
D#
I don't think that I can handle this right now
A#
I don't think that I can handle this right now
A#
I don't think that I can handle this right now
Dm/A
I don't think that I can handle this right now
Dm/A
Look at them, they're just staring at me
Gm D#
Like, "come and watch the skinny kid with a steadily declining mental health
D#
And laugh as he attempts
F A#
To give you what he cannot give himself
A#
I don't think that I can handle this right now
A#
I don't think that I can handle this right now
Dm/A
They don't even know the half of this right now
Dm/A
They don't even know the half of it
Gm
But I know I'm not a doctor
D#
I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show
F
So I should probably just shut up and do my job
A#
So here I go
A#
I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit
Dm/A
I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit
Dm/A
I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit
Dm/A
I wouldn't have got half
Gm
You can tell them anything if
Gm D#
You just make it funny, make it rhyme
D#
And if they still don't understand you
D# A#
Then you run it one more time
A#
I don't think that I can handle this right now (Haa!)
Dm/A
Handle this right (Hoo!)
Dm/A
Handle this right
Gm
You don't even know the half of this right now
Gm
Right now (Haa!)
D#
Handle this right now
D#
Handle this right
D# A#
Handle this right now
N.G#
Thank you, good night!
N.G#
I hope you're happy
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